宁家珍
秀才
Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection |
 Posted: 2011-12-08 05:44:03 Post subject: 七绝 观江上渔夫 |
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七绝 观江上渔夫（旧韵）
宁家珍
横江秀水碧潺潺，
渔父小舟撑往还。
与世无争忙撒网，
悠然自得赛神仙。
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2011-12-08 15:27:05 Post subject: |
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| 颇得陶翁之风。 |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-08 17:01:12 Post subject: |
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目及兴感，命笔成詩，用心提炼，佳作可期。
下面提出三个问题供参考：
1，“横江”换作“漫江”或“满江”如何？
2，“撑”字可否换做“速”字？与下句“忙”字呼应。
3， 忙于撒网的渔父怎么与“享清闲”相联系呢？
_________________
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
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宁家珍
秀才
Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-08 17:31:31 Post subject: |
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| 谢谢qinghongh老师的欣赏，问好。 |
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宁家珍
秀才
Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-08 17:33:29 Post subject: |
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| 谢谢黄洋界老师的指正。现改为“悠然自得赛神仙”，欢迎继续批评。 |
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连南河
秀才
Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 342
Location: Toronto
连南河Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-11 10:37:35 Post subject: |
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与世无争忙撒网，
悠然自得赛神仙。
_________________
一路雨丝一路风 |
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笑聊
探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-12 01:58:39 Post subject: |
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与世无争和悠然自得，是我们追求的目标。
好诗！学习。 |
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冰清
同进士出身
Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921
冰清Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-30 05:03:06 Post subject: |
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哈哈，起句入境了！
问好新年！ |
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秋叶
秀才
Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769
秋叶Collection |
| Posted: 2012-01-08 21:10:50 Post subject: |
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横江秀水碧潺潺，
渔父小舟撑往还。
与世无争忙撒网，
悠然自得赛神仙。
好意境，令人想起我们的米湖垂钓。 |
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