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满江红•忆少年
老山
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Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-26 22:36:10    Post subject: 满江红•忆少年 Reply with quote

满江红•忆少年

故里巴陵,怎忘却、儿时岁月。
携学子、浪中水战,几番狂热。
童子军威旗鼓震,岳阳楼上歌声悦。
蓼烟里、垂钓岸边人,惊鱼鳖。

多少事,千言说。
天涯处,情尤切。
恋湖光潋滟,君山残雪。
苇雨江风穿短艇,鹭飞冉冉晴波越。
到如今、夜夜梦魂萦,何时歇?
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胡恢宗
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Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-26 22:58:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

情真意切,感人肺腑。童年难返,童心可复。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-27 08:20:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

老山好詞!
童年难忘,童心尤切,〝怎忘却、兒時岁月〞!
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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连南河
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Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 342
Location: Toronto
连南河Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-27 11:17:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

垂钓岸边人
情尤切
恋湖光潋滟
鹭飞冉冉晴波越
何时歇?
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一路雨丝一路风
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-27 12:40:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

老山不老,少年情切!
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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王君明
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
王君明Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-28 03:31:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜賞!上下兩歇拍俱得體氣、氣格,令人動容。
“君山殘雪”之“君”處,印象中當仄。一握!
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虚拟网络 真实生活
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笑聊
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Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2011-03-01 02:42:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

学习欣赏并问好!

童趣童真情意切!
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2011-03-01 09:13:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

儿时岁月童真在,永留青春在心头。
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老山
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Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection
PostPosted: 2011-03-03 06:45:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好胡恢宗、白云闲人、连南河、黄洋界、王君明、笑聊、qinghongh,谢谢你们的点评!
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老山
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Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection
PostPosted: 2011-03-03 17:08:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

王君明诗长云:“君山殘雪”之“君”處,印象中當仄。所言极是,仄声为正格(仄平平仄)。如“贺兰山缺”(岳飞)、“鹭飞鱼跃”(柳永)、“得知消息”(辛弃疾)等,据此,《唐宋词格律》(龙榆生编撰,上海古籍出版社)定为正格。时隔20多年后,赵京战先生编撰《诗词韵律合编》(中华书局2006年版)时,将此处的“仄”声改作“可仄可平” ,拙作即据此而为之。有不当之处,还望继续指教。
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