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兩首和比賽有關的詩
戴玨
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戴玨Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-22 00:08:14    Post subject: 兩首和比賽有關的詩 Reply with quote

兩首都埋藏在置頂的帖子裏,現抽出來方便查找。

七絕 - 次韻秋葉《游子吟》

雖然沒資格參加加拿大《游子吟》网络格律诗歌赛,也來試作一首以示支持:

雨收屣履出亭臺,西望煙銷海面開。
襟帶迎風擁落日,翩翩秋葉帶愁來。


秋葉原玉:

和平岛上设擂台, 游子行吟荆路开。
奋斗求存多血泪, 苦中谋乐踏歌来。

五律 - 感遇

這首是為雙楓大比拼-詩歌擂台賽第一輪寫的:

涼風起樓外,薄晚捲簾時。
雲掩青山遠,花愁日色遲。
酣歌憶舊事,醉笑有餘悲。
春夢聊可待,詩來人自痴。



聊:暫且
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秋叶
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PostPosted: 2007-03-22 08:05:26    Post subject: Re: 兩首和比賽有關的詩 Reply with quote

谢谢和作,大作格律工整, 文笔纯熟,收藏了。
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暗香如沁
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PostPosted: 2007-03-23 04:10:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏。高手。
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戴玨
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PostPosted: 2007-03-24 05:02:00    Post subject: Re: 兩首和比賽有關的詩 Reply with quote

秋叶 wrote:
谢谢和作,大作格律工整, 文笔纯熟,收藏了。

謝賞,問好!
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戴玨
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PostPosted: 2007-03-24 05:02:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

暗香如沁 wrote:
欣赏。高手。

高手可不敢當,大家互相學習。 Razz
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杏仁儿
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PostPosted: 2007-03-24 05:05:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

犹赏五律:))
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fade
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fadeCollection
PostPosted: 2007-03-24 07:27:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

兄台的诗即使不改也值得收藏。不过我还要砸,也许我是个完全主义者,我依然觉得第七句和第八句差一些,也许前面写得太精彩了。另外,由于“憶”字是入声,我觉得这句犯了三平。诚惶诚恐。
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戴玨
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PostPosted: 2007-03-24 07:31:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

fade wrote:
...另外,由于“憶”字是入声,我觉得这句犯了三平。诚惶诚恐。

您是說三仄吧?
平平仄仄仄,是(平)平平仄仄的變體,後接仄仄仄平平,律詩常見。
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