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入冬的第一场雪
荷梦
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Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-24 03:07:06    Post subject: 入冬的第一场雪 Reply with quote

拉着冬天跑来,她跌跌撞撞
多像小白菊揉碎的梦
洒落

纸屑般,掩住桠杈
盖着那虚有桃名的棉田弃儿
——他们从来不做粉红的梦
更看不到因风起舞的柳絮

疼,她说
汪汪的泪,整个白天
都在黑泥里淌啊淌
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上城
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PostPosted: 2010-12-25 06:38:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

湖北,下雪了。圣诞快乐。
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詩盜喜裸評
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Location: 台湾,台北
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PostPosted: 2010-12-26 07:30:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

看不太懂,不过喜欢用字的韵味。
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荷梦
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Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-02 00:07:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

上城 wrote:
湖北,下雪了。圣诞快乐。

谢谢!今天又下雪了!
2011年快乐!
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-02 00:27:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
看不太懂,不过喜欢用字的韵味。

呵呵,写的就是第一场雪。下得很大,但化得也快。

拉着冬天跑来,她跌跌撞撞
多像小白菊揉碎的梦
洒落
——感觉冬天就是这雪带来的,之前天还暖得很。比雪为小白菊当然不仅仅是外向的相似了。。。


纸屑般,掩住桠杈
盖着那虚有桃名的棉田弃儿
——他们从来不做粉红的梦
更看不到因风起舞的柳絮
——这是实景,庄稼里的实景。不过,我把棉田里的积雪以废纸屑作喻,又由棉杆上的棉桃想到了桃花,“因风起舞的柳絮”是化用了晋代谢道蕴的“未若柳絮因风起”。。



疼,她说
汪汪的泪,整个白天
都在黑泥里淌啊淌
——气温不够高,雪下了一天,也化了一天。
》这几行,本是下雪那天,看到一同事QQ签名的写雪文字后一时兴起涂鸦的。我纯粹是为写雪而写雪,没想到他看到后,似误认为我个人的心声感慨,汗。。。。
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-02 21:52:53    Post subject: 想来是抽像写伤怀。正是:霜付惨惨天同色,田垄污泥怯夜寒。 Reply with quote

荷梦 wrote:
诗盗喜裸评 wrote:
看不太懂,不过喜欢用字的韵味。

呵呵,写的就是第一场雪。下得很大,但化得也快。
...

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