宁家珍
秀才
Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection |
 Posted: 2010-12-13 18:04:39 Post subject: 五律 无题 |
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五律 无题（旧韵）
宁家珍
四时终有序，足底暮寒生。
雾湿千竿竹，霜侵万朵英。
蝉凉过鬓发，鹤默入柴荆。
冬日骄阳暖，横江昱水清。 |
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胡恢宗
秀才
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564
胡恢宗Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-13 18:58:49 Post subject: |
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雾湿千竿竹，霜侵万朵英。――语新意工。尤以“湿、侵”二字，准确、形象。学习了。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞 |
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影沉寒水
举人
Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-14 02:38:32 Post subject: |
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万朵英这时节不知何指
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诗无涯。思在线 |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-14 07:38:06 Post subject: |
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第二联写寒冬景色，很巧！
"冬月"恐为"冬日"之误。冬日里还有蝉吗？似乎它应入土
休眠了。
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
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白云闲人
探花
Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466
白云闲人Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-14 07:38:31 Post subject: |
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暢吟冬景！
問好宁家珍!
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山. |
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连南河
秀才
Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 342
Location: Toronto
连南河Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-18 17:41:38 Post subject: |
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诗的题目应去掉"冬月"
让有序的"四时"品味
"万朵英"在秋霜里
"蝉凉"也有立足点
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一路雨丝一路风 |
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宁家珍
秀才
Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-21 04:46:32 Post subject: |
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| 连南河 wrote: |
诗的题目应去掉"冬月"
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谢谢并欣赏连南河老师的指正，还请多提宝贵意见。 |
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