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豪興
白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-10 08:18:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

卜算子 - 豪興

瑶池泛蓮舟,宫樂輕灵奏。霞彩翩翩赢苏绣,仙子舒香袖。
豪興展歌喉,天韵風情茂。七色音苻筆中舞,一曲冲霄九!
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-11 02:17:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

文/笑聊 临屏即兴和白云老师

天外小神仙,四海凭眺抒。五彩缤纷世事烦,唯有霓虹路。
梵乐奏飞歌,美舞风情处。淡定随心等量观,不为争游渡。
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胡恢宗
秀才


Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-11 04:03:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

借意和白云老师
窗外洗晴空,万里无云布。忽见片云似扁舟,忙把仙人渡。
世事莫嫌烦,自有钟情处,若视红霞作梵音,必睹香袖舞。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-11 09:07:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

謝謝笑聊和诗!
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-11 09:12:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

世事莫嫌烦,自有钟情处 - 淡然、自乐!襟怀舒展!
謝謝胡恢宗和诗!
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-11 15:17:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

老师的诗歌总是那么淡定潇洒,学习
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
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白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-11 16:13:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

謝白水欣赏与勉励!
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胡恢宗
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Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-11 21:51:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云老师:昨晚我琢磨了好久,您不但把词写美了,而且写活了。而我却把词写死了。
主要是思维呆滞,缺乏想像力。为此,我又写了一首,以求指教。

卜算子 · 和白云老师
神静听天音,乐自云端出。定是瑶池宴众仙,奏响霓裳曲。
隐约彩云间,似见飞天舞。窈窕婀娜百媚姿,纵袖飘湘绣。
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: 2010-12-12 09:14:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

胡恢宗,相互多切磋交流,既可共同坛进写作技巧,亦可活跃日常生活,身心愉悦!
诗词源于生活、昇华生活!就是说,在生活中取得诗词的灵感,诗词离开生活就会干枯,脱离生活的诗词也感毫无味道。同時,诗词是一种优秀的艺朮形式,婉约灵动是唐宋诗词的要素。所以,写作時既要源于生活,但也要给予艺术昇华,如你所说的思维想像力。其实想像力也是在日常生活中的感悟与积累。如是这样,在诗词中,既捕捉了日常生活中的情趣,又恰如其份地艺朮化、抽象化,那么,一首诗词便活灵活現地呈現出來。也就是你所说的写活了!
胡恢宗,你这首《卜算子》写得很美!从静听天音,伸展到瑶池的霓裳曲;从彩云間,抒发仙子舞婀娜!把一幅仙景灵动地呈現眼前。如果要提改进意見的话,那么:上阕的〝定是〞可以隐去,改用一个描写瑶池仙宴的形容词来替代,如:变为〝碧翠瑶池宴众仙〞,或其他...... 这样是否会更好些呢?供共同研究!
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胡恢宗
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Joined: 15 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: 2010-12-13 00:49:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云老师:您好。感谢您对我的热情指导,使我受非浅。如:想像力要在日常生活中感悟积累;
写诗词要捕捉日常生活中的情趣,加以艺术化、抽象化等,都给我指明了方向。
我是一个起步很晚的诗词爱好者,目前尚处于临摹、探索階段,急需老师们的指导
和诗友之间的切磋、交流。所以,您的指导对我非常宝贵。我再次表示感谢。如果能
用邮箱进一步交流,那就再好也不过了。我的邮箱是HHZ1932@126.com
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: 2010-12-13 07:29:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

胡恢宗,客气了!切磋交流是相互的,我也是在不断的学习中,在和朋友們的互动中得以教益和启悟!
謝謝你的热情交流!
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宁家珍
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Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
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PostPosted: 2010-12-13 18:08:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

瑶池泛蓮舟,宫樂輕灵奏。霞彩翩翩赢苏绣,仙子舒香袖。
豪興展歌喉,天韵風情茂。七色音苻筆中舞,一曲冲霄九!

欣赏好词,问候白云老师。
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宁家珍
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Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-13 18:10:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

天外小神仙,四海凭眺抒。五彩缤纷世事烦,唯有霓虹路。
梵乐奏飞歌,美舞风情处。淡定随心等量观,不为争游渡。

欣赏雅和,问好笑聊老师。
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宁家珍
秀才


Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-13 18:13:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

窗外洗晴空,万里无云布。忽见片云似扁舟,忙把仙人渡。
世事莫嫌烦,自有钟情处,若视红霞作梵音,必睹香袖舞。

欣赏雅和,问候恢宗老师。
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

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PostPosted: 2010-12-14 07:24:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

謝謝宁家珍欣賞!
問好!
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

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PostPosted: 2010-12-14 09:24:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

天上人间,豪情无限。
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-14 10:24:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云闲人 wrote:
卜算子 - 豪興
瑶池泛蓮舟,宫樂輕灵奏。霞彩翩翩赢苏绣,仙子舒香袖。
豪興展歌喉,天韵風情茂。七色音苻筆中舞,一曲冲霄九!
...

有这豪兴,情思便像喷泉一般...
学习中!
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-14 16:52:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

謝庆宏赏评!
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-14 16:53:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

謝謝冰清鼓励!
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