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七律•冬日有怀(新韵)
影沉寒水
举人


Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection
PostPosted: 2010-11-28 02:36:42    Post subject: 七律•冬日有怀(新韵) Reply with quote

七律•冬日有怀(新韵)
落日风霜困古槐,由来蚁洞梦成灾。
如将坐井谋出路,更把浮云换酒侪。
久醉独觉三径乐,沉思难断四时哀。
转身便向崖中立,不许梅花寂寞开。
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诗无涯。思在线
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东北诗弦
童生


Joined: 05 Jun 2007
Posts: 73

东北诗弦Collection
PostPosted: 2010-11-28 03:28:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

好诗
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但觉高歌有鬼神,焉知饿死填沟壑?
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2010-11-28 11:09:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

结联意深韵远,欣赏!
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-11-28 13:35:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

影沉寒水,此首<七律>是使用新韵吗?
如用<中华新韵>:〝灾、哀、开〞属〝开怀韵〞;〝杯〞属〝飞灰韵〞。
如用<诗韵新编>:〝灾、哀、开〞属〝九开韵〞;〝杯〞属〝八微韵〞。
反而如用古韵,〝灾、哀、开、杯〞四字均属〝十灰韵〞。
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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胡恢宗
秀才


Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2010-11-28 17:51:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

此诗用古韵,却把入声字“觉”作平声用。在一首诗内,古韵新声是不能混合使用的。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-11-28 21:36:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏结联!转身便向崖中立,不许梅花寂寞开。

由意思。
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影沉寒水
举人


Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection
PostPosted: 2010-11-29 01:47:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云闲人 wrote:
影沉寒水,此首<七律>是使用新韵吗?
...


是我的错

改了

谢谢
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-01 11:25:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

久醉独觉三径乐,沉思难断四时哀。
转身便向崖中立,不许梅花寂寞开。

一转见机妙。
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