Maple Review :: View topic - 圣洁的幽梦

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

圣洁的幽梦

zhangmin
秀才

Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 450
Location: 中国.江苏.张家港
zhangminCollection

Posted: 2007-03-15 20:52:03 Post subject: 圣洁的幽梦

浓重的霜花紧琐着被窝里的梦秋的滋味是圣洁的飘落寄去对冷月的畅想临江的钟声象飘进波光的发丝熟悉浪花拍打对广阔的天地间频频发出深沉的呓语凌乱的脚步寻找烟花的去向芦花的脊背上滑落风跟渔火的叹息沉醉在江边秋水里的梦秋思装进行囊不愿在冬的窗下打开情愿听一首柔软的曲调把幽梦抛进落花中感恩寒风扫净一片天空中国.江苏.张敏

三色堇
秀才

Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 148
Location: 西安
三色堇Collection

Posted: 2007-03-15 20:58:51 Post subject:

缺少跳跃感呢,妄言.

寒丁
童生

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 40

寒丁Collection

Posted: 2007-03-16 18:03:19 Post subject:

语言还流畅，问好 _________________ 冷是另一种暖

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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