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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

七绝秋叶（新韵）

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-10-22 13:03:12 Post subject: 七绝秋叶（新韵）

七绝秋叶（新韵） ---和白云老师《叶片》西风昨夜过园林，黄叶飞飘满地金。经历寒冬成沃土，迎来百卉写青春。白云闲人原玉： . . . 葉片 . . . <调寄一翦梅> 疏影横斜伴鳥啼, 换下綠裳, 披上金衣. 風歌聲里漫秋空, 起舞翩跹, 瀟灑臨墀. 零落成坭化作肥, 护本情深, 滋养根基. 待闻春雨湿平蕪, 簇簇新芽, 茂盛生機![img][/img]

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2010-10-22 16:51:43 Post subject:

迎来百卉写青春. 好! 庆宏,这首七绝是否使用"中华新韵"呢! 謝謝和诗! _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-10-22 18:56:39 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

迎来百卉写青春. 好!
...

谢谢白云老师！应该标明新韵。（林-金-春。）

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-10-22 22:24:12 Post subject:

唱和俱佳！西风昨夜过园林，黄叶飞飘满地金。化作护根肥沃土，迎来百卉写青春。化作护根肥沃土，庆宏兄，该句孤平了。

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-10-23 04:30:25 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

唱和俱佳！
...

谢谢笑聊兄雅赏并探讨。在中华新韵里“肥”是平声，所以应该没犯孤平。我没查古韵，可能在古韵里“肥”是仄声，是吧？不过第三句我仍修改如下：

七绝秋叶（新韵）
---和白云老师《叶片》

西风昨夜过园林，黄叶飞飘满地金。
经历寒冬化沃土，迎来百卉写青春。

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2010-10-23 08:19:38 Post subject:

庆宏, "肥"字:在古韵中是平声字,属[五微]里的平声字. _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-10-23 08:49:48 Post subject:

谢谢白云老师讲解。

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2010-10-23 12:35:32 Post subject:

"孤平"是指以仄平结尾的诗句，五言的第一字，七言的第三字必须用平声，否则就是犯“孤平”，挽救的方法可以“本句拗救”，或者“隔行拗救”。供参考。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-10-23 16:38:31 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

唱和俱佳！
...

谢谢笑聊兄雅赏并探讨。在中华新韵里“肥”是平声，所以“根”应该不孤。我没查古韵，可能在古韵里“肥”是仄声，是吧？不过第三句我仍修改如下：
...

谢谢庆宏兄纠正我概念上的混乱。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-10-23 16:39:30 Post subject:

谢谢白云兄！学习了。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-10-23 16:41:24 Post subject:

秋叶 wrote:

"孤平"是指以仄平结尾的诗句，五言的第一字，七言的第三字必须用平声，否则就是犯“孤平”，挽救的方法可以“本句拗救”，或者“隔行拗救”。
...

谢谢秋叶老师指正！学习了。

冰清
同进士出身

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2010-10-24 20:06:01 Post subject:

服了，斑斑们。开诚相见的好风尚!

冰清
同进士出身

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2010-10-24 20:08:31 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

七绝秋叶（新韵）
---和白云老师《叶片》

西风昨夜过园林，黄叶飞飘满地金。
经历寒冬成沃土，迎来百卉写青春。

白云闲人原玉：
. . . 葉片 . . .
<调寄一翦梅>
疏影横斜伴鳥啼,
换下綠裳,
披上金衣.
風歌聲里漫秋空,
起舞翩跹,
瀟灑臨墀.

零落成坭化作肥,
护本情深,
滋养根基.
待闻春雨湿平蕪,
簇簇新芽,
茂盛生機![img][/img]

风中秋叶
--依韵和qinghongh 七绝秋叶

不悲摇落不吟呻，彩绘无偿胜似金。
意态潇然从众望，身光更是一番春。

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-10-25 08:17:36 Post subject:

谢谢冰清老师和诗！

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2010-10-25 20:46:12 Post subject:

拜读各位大作，看来这题目，我想和也不能和啊

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-10-26 08:20:38 Post subject:

秋叶 wrote:

拜读各位大作，看来这题目，我想和也不能和啊 Rolling Eyes

秋叶观秋叶，指点即可。

宁家珍
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection

Posted: 2010-10-31 22:48:20 Post subject:

七绝秋叶（新韵） ---和白云老师《叶片》西风昨夜过园林，黄叶飞飘满地金。经历寒冬成沃土，迎来百卉写青春。白云闲人原玉： . . . 葉片 . . . <调寄一翦梅> 疏影横斜伴鳥啼, 换下綠裳, 披上金衣. 風歌聲里漫秋空, 起舞翩跹, 瀟灑臨墀. 零落成坭化作肥, 护本情深, 滋养根基. 待闻春雨湿平蕪, 簇簇新芽, 茂盛生機! 欣赏唱和双璧，问候白云，庆宏二位老师。

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2010-11-01 06:40:52 Post subject:

問好宁家珍! _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-11-01 08:27:22 Post subject:

谢谢并问好家珍诗友！

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