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请关注石羊河流域的土地沙化
红柳
童生


Joined: 09 Jun 2006
Posts: 7

红柳Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-09 06:04:56    Post subject: 请关注石羊河流域的土地沙化 Reply with quote

     我驾着四季风漂泊

 我驾着四季风开始漂泊
四季在我的风里徐徐吹出



春风里有个憨厚的兄弟失声痛哭
我停下来并询问他
“我的兄弟,在这充满希望的季节里
      你失去亲人了吗?”
      他泪流满面的看着我并
      用手指向前方
      那是一片在阳光下闪光的沙子
      他悲哀地说
      “金色的沙子覆盖了我的土地
      善良的人啊,你说
      我把种子撒在哪里?”



      在一片干涸的大地上
      夏风劝我驻脚 这是哪儿
      是太阳神居住的地方吗
      土地张开焦渴的嘴
      河流为什么
      不知羞耻地裸露在天空
      “这是夸父睡着的地方”
      哦,那夸父呢?他的手杖呢?
      一个只有白骨的身体
      从夏风后面走出
      “善良的人啊,
      你的同胞兄弟挑断了我的经脉
      抢走了我的手杖,砍光了
      我郁郁葱葱的毛发,我的子孙
      你们会让太阳神烧焦”



      随着秋风 我来到一片墓地
      悬挂在最高枝头的那个
      金色果子告诉我
      “秋天是大地丰收的季节
      土地也要收回她
      爱怜的孩子 ”  
      我默默走向一座墓前
      长跪不起
      没有痛苦,没有悲哀
      只有体内发白的骨头
      在秋风中燃烧



      冬风把我捎了回来
      雪花纷飞
      海子叩响了我的门
      他孩子般纯真的脸
      在寒风中冻的通红
      犹如一朵雪上盛开的梅花
      我邀他坐在我的炉子上
      我们对坐在蓝色的火苗上
      愉快地谈笑
      他让我跟他的土地与河流
      握手并
      把他们赠予了我
      我用骨头熬制的白酒招待了他
  
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张村
秀才


Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 120
Location: 中国江西省德兴市
张村Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-09 06:31:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

后一节没跟上;此句可斟酌:
砍光了
      我郁郁葱葱的毛发,我的子孙

沙化是个公众事业,大家一同来关注与努力吧.
_________________
在诗里找生活,在生活里找乐.
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雪泥
秀才


Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 255
Location: 西欧
雪泥Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-09 06:36:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

海子的诗和圣经运用进去可能好些,但与主题关系不大。
Smile 欢迎新朋友
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《梅园文学》总编
欢迎各种体裁的投稿
雪泥博客:
http://xueniwriting.blog.sohu.com/
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尹士林
秀才


Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 416
Location: 河北保定易县中学
尹士林Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-09 15:41:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

我驾着四季风开始漂泊
四季在我的风里徐徐吹出

起笔很好,后面感觉有些弱。
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忧郁过、犹豫过,从未放弃过!!!!!
河北易县中学 尹士林
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乐园成也
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Joined: 27 May 2006
Posts: 228

乐园成也Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-09 17:06:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

关注现实的题材:))问好!
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红柳
童生


Joined: 09 Jun 2006
Posts: 7

红柳Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-13 07:17:00    Post subject: 问好各位 Reply with quote

谢谢阅读和指导,我会认真考虑的
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