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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

新诗 – 乡泉

魏鵬展
秀才

Joined: 14 Apr 2009
Posts: 606
Location: Hong Kong 香港
魏鵬展Collection

Posted: 2010-07-03 00:45:52 Post subject: 新诗 – 乡泉

乡泉魏鹏展缩小了的池塘没有水矮了的围墙长了些绿农田起了破房子成了爸爸的小孩白了胡子的叔叔寒暄中没有乡音的陌生竹丛下的清泉漂着几片菜叶流过浣衣女的歌声 2010年5月29日夜 _________________ 香港文學報《小說與詩》投稿方法+稿約、稿例、最新一期目錄： http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_60b7bcff01018dcp.html 魏鵬展是香港詩人、《小說與詩》主編、中文教師；微信(WeChat): npcjeffrey

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2010-07-03 16:30:22 Post subject:

有意境。 9行；3，3，3结构。‘的’字在每三行中的分配也不错（1，2； 1，2，3； 1，3）。最后三行收得好，意境得出！浅见~ _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

魏鵬展
秀才

Joined: 14 Apr 2009
Posts: 606
Location: Hong Kong 香港
魏鵬展Collection

Posted: 2010-07-03 16:44:43 Post subject:

博弈 wrote:

有意境。
...

博弈兄看得很仔細，我下筆時沒有注意到這些東西，你這樣說我才留意到呢。haha...
_________________
香港文學報《小說與詩》投稿方法+稿約、稿例、最新一期目錄：
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_60b7bcff01018dcp.html

魏鵬展是香港詩人、《小說與詩》主編、中文教師；微信(WeChat): npcjeffrey

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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