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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

行香子•竹

昕阳一片
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Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190

昕阳一片Collection

Posted: 2010-05-20 20:01:17 Post subject: 行香子•竹

行香子•竹昕阳一片亭立轻匀,不染纤尘. 志高节,挺直腰身. 萧森葱郁,四季无分. 好盛三秋,艳三伏,绿三春. 忻邻青松,勾了梅魂. 睨霜刀,风雪难臣. 置心虚谷,唯有情真. 伴一山岭,一河岸,一乡村. 2010-5-18

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-05-20 22:45:33 Post subject:

好词，把竹的韵致表露的淋漓尽致。大赏！上下片结句领格字“总”“映”列用去声字。望昕阳兄斟酌。问好！

昕阳一片
秀才

Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190

昕阳一片Collection

Posted: 2010-05-21 01:48:32 Post subject: 向

笑聊 wrote:

好词，把竹的韵致表露的淋漓尽致。大赏！
...

谢笑聊兄鼓励和提醒。略改。问好！

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-05-21 05:20:30 Post subject:

七绝咏竹（旧作）青翠节高身自直，枝成墨画叶成诗。迎风披雨精神在，饱受艰辛谁尽知？

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2010-05-21 06:49:13 Post subject:

好一首《行香子》! 置心虚谷,唯有情真 --- 好句! 上下阕结的三句三言句佳也! _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-05-21 14:24:22 Post subject:

显志节,挺直腰身志仄声，此处应平。交友青松,勾了梅魂友仄声，此处应平。昕阳兄若再把这二处出律处修缮完美，则整体无暇，美玉可鉴。诗握！

宁家珍
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Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection

Posted: 2010-05-21 20:07:35 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

好词，把竹的韵致表露的淋漓尽致。大赏！
...

欣赏，问候昕阳朋友。

昕阳一片
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Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190

昕阳一片Collection

Posted: 2010-05-22 06:49:23 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

七绝咏竹（旧作）
...

谢庆宏版主。问好！

昕阳一片
秀才

Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190

昕阳一片Collection

Posted: 2010-05-22 06:50:24 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

好一首《行香子》!
...

谢白云版主鼓励。问好！

昕阳一片
秀才

Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190

昕阳一片Collection

Posted: 2010-05-22 06:52:16 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

显志节,挺直腰身志仄声，此处应平。
...

谢笑聊兄！所据词谱有误。已改。谢谢。问好！

昕阳一片
秀才

Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190

昕阳一片Collection

Posted: 2010-05-22 06:53:17 Post subject:

宁家珍 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

好词，把竹的韵致表露的淋漓尽致。大赏！
...

欣赏，问候昕阳朋友。

谢家珍朋友。问好！

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