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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

七绝桃花扇

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-04-29 14:55:42 Post subject: 七绝桃花扇

七绝桃花扇明朝皇帝实荒唐，宠信阉官废栋梁。强寇来临兵将散，桃花血扇永留香。新改：七绝桃花扇一扇桃花点点开，几多血泪自心来。江山有难君臣散，弱女香君为国哀。

影沉寒水
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Joined: 16 Feb 2010
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影沉寒水Collection

Posted: 2010-04-30 02:59:35 Post subject:

桃花血扇永留香虽有血字但个人还是觉得结得与整体氛围不谐 _________________ 诗无涯。思在线

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-04-30 03:58:11 Post subject:

谢谢寒水兄建议，结句可再推敲。改一字：七绝桃花扇明朝皇帝实荒唐，宠信阉官废栋梁。强寇来临兵将散，桃花血扇却留香。我是对明末历史非常感慨而写这首诗。当时上万的文臣武将上亿百姓无数的文人骚客，和平时期爱国高调甚嚣尘上，甚至北京市民以爱国之名吃光受剐刑的抗清栋梁袁大帅的肉。但是一到外敌入侵危难关头绝大多数都作鸟兽散，象夏元淳史可法的真爱国志士少之又少。亿万男儿，怎不及柳如是李香君两风尘才女？后蜀花蕊夫人有诗：君王城上竖降旗，妾在深宫那得知。十四万人齐解甲，宁无一个是男儿。

昕阳一片
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Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190

昕阳一片Collection

Posted: 2010-04-30 06:01:29 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

谢谢寒水兄建议，结句可再推敲。改一字：
...

对这样一段历史，怎不令人痛心！欣赏佳作。问好！

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-04-30 06:34:35 Post subject:

昕阳一片 wrote:

qinghongh wrote:

谢谢寒水兄建议，结句可再推敲。改一字：
...

对这样一段历史，怎不令人痛心！欣赏佳作。问好！

谢昕阳诗友雅赏！

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-04-30 12:57:27 Post subject:

好诗，欣赏。商榷：“却”若为“怎”如何？

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-04-30 14:45:34 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

好诗，欣赏。
商榷：“却”若为“怎”如何？ Wink

谢谢白水兄雅赏。“却”在这里是转折和对比，是指皇帝国家养的一帮文臣武将和士兵在国难当头时不能保家卫国抵抗强敌，而李香君柳如是等风尘弱女却有爱国情操愿以死报国。王朝已灰飞烟灭，但桃花扇却能留下千古芬芳。如用“怎”，就成了疑问了，此处用“怎”不妥。

皇帝平时待百姓苛刻残暴，对臣下猜忌防范，大难来时，各奔东西，几人真正来爱国？和平时爱国易，战乱时爱国难；和平时爱国者多，战乱时爱国者少。

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-04-30 15:13:38 Post subject:

理解。我是想说，皮之不存，毛将焉附？国灭，香难存，留下的更多的是爱国人士的悲愤：“十四万人齐解甲，宁无一个是男儿”。不同角度吧。周末了，抽空和你抬一小杠。　溜了。Keep your own feelings have a nice weekend

笑聊
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Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
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Posted: 2010-05-01 01:05:06 Post subject:

七绝桃花扇明朝皇帝实荒唐，宠信阉官废栋梁。强寇来临兵将散，桃花血扇却留香。与庆宏兄同感并欣赏！

影沉寒水
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Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection

Posted: 2010-05-01 02:45:40 Post subject:

看诗题，这首诗的重点应该在尾句所表达的意思但读诗，又感觉重点移到了前三句，因为转结全部落在了尾句 _________________ 诗无涯。思在线

qinghongh
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Posted: 2010-05-01 04:19:16 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

七绝桃花扇
...

谢笑聊兄雅赏。

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-05-01 04:25:13 Post subject:

影沉寒水 wrote:

看诗题，这首诗的重点应该在尾句所表达的意思
...

谢寒水兄探讨。这首诗是偶感而发，也许仔细推敲不够。中国历史很多时期读来令人倍觉伤感击节长叹。

白云闲人
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Joined: 26 Aug 2007
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白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2010-05-01 07:34:40 Post subject:

庆宏,我們來共同切磋一下诗詞創作的手法好嗎! "诗題"是诗意的重心,是诗情的画龙点睛.全诗据此而展开铺排.所以,影沉寒水提的建议是中肯的.<桃花扇>这首七绝运筆精炼,句简意深!但有一点值得再斟酌:序構与点睛的兼顾! 仅供参攷与切磋! _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-05-01 09:26:06 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

庆宏,我們來共同切磋一下诗詞創作的手法好嗎! "诗題"是诗意的重心,是诗情的画龙点睛.全诗据此而展开铺排.所以,影沉寒水提的建议是中肯的.<桃花扇>这首七绝运筆精炼,句简意深!但有一点值得再斟酌:序構与点睛的兼顾!
...

谢谢白云老师和寒水兄。这首诗原来题目《叹明朝》，但觉得题目太大，临时改为《桃花扇》。你们的看法是对的，因为全诗4句只最后一句转结到桃花扇。但我一时还没想出合适的诗题。我会继续考虑，也请诗友赐题。

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-05-01 13:39:25 Post subject:

七绝桃花扇一扇桃花点点开，几多血泪自心来。江山有难君臣散，弱女香君为国哀。

白云闲人
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Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2010-05-02 07:03:21 Post subject:

经修饰后,全诗緊扣挑花扇着墨.桃花点点开,诗情步步來! _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-05-02 10:58:09 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

经修饰后,全诗緊扣挑花扇着墨.桃花点点开,诗情步步來!

谢谢白云老师鼓励。

影沉寒水
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Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection

Posted: 2010-05-03 04:50:28 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

白云闲人 wrote:

题为：观《桃花扇》怀古不知可否
_________________
诗无涯。思在线

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-05-03 08:32:04 Post subject:

影沉寒水 wrote:

qinghongh wrote:

白云闲人 wrote:

题为：观《桃花扇》怀古不知可否

谢谢寒水兄！诗坛切磋，获益良多。

qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-05-05 14:01:34 Post subject:

影沉寒水 wrote:

qinghongh wrote:

白云闲人 wrote:

题为：观《桃花扇》怀古不知可否

七律观《桃花扇》怀古

一扇桃花血色鲜，秦淮河畔几悲欢。
昏君忌重失良将，才女情深付逝川。
人祸天灾千户苦，党争权斗百官贪。
世人尽指吴三桂，怒为红颜弃险关。

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