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扪心三问
君山楚女
秀才


Joined: 09 Sep 2008
Posts: 333
Location: 湖南雁城[居住南京]
君山楚女Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-20 18:16:20    Post subject: 扪心三问 Reply with quote

问水仙

几颗碎石
一瓶清水
与简单相伴
无蜂蝶追随
你绿得让春发醋
白得令雪自惭
香得使人痴迷
你说你不为自己
那是为谁

问麻雀

那一场血腥的捕杀
几乎使小不点灭种绝迹
终于盼到平反,昭雪,一切的一切
回到生命的初期
俨然什么都不曾发生
又当着曾是刽子手的门户雀跃、撒欢
难道你就不曾想过报复
不曾有过怨恨
难道你就不想说,人呀,一旦丧失理智
还真不如他的异类

问夜莺

林梢荡漾起溪流
月光更显得清凉爽悠
金嗓子神秘了山里的夜色
让都市眼馋、心愀
夜莺,你难道没有想过
来这里你是第一流歌手
大价钱对你来说,真的
一点也不重要

2010-3-19
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学习的敌人是自己的满足,要认真学习一点东西,必须从不自满开始。——毛泽东
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沙漠
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Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-20 19:20:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

发醋
发怵?
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个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180
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君山楚女
秀才


Joined: 09 Sep 2008
Posts: 333
Location: 湖南雁城[居住南京]
君山楚女Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-21 06:08:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢沙兄弟的关心。
我这里是发醋,不是发怵。前者生妒,后者惧怕。
_________________
学习的敌人是自己的满足,要认真学习一点东西,必须从不自满开始。——毛泽东
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-22 08:48:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

视角和要表达的意思基本到了~~诗歌的处理后半截急转而下有仓促感有些直白~~私见~~
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如果不开始,会失去过程。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-25 20:00:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

你说你不为自己
那是为谁


你难道没有想过
来这里你是第一流歌手
大价钱对你来说,真的
一点也不重要


令人深思的诗句
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