Maple Review :: View topic - 雨，一直下

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

雨，一直下

俞伟远
秀才

Joined: 02 Feb 2007
Posts: 282

俞伟远Collection

Posted: 2010-03-09 02:35:51 Post subject: 雨，一直下

雨，一直下这雨这么多天了什么都湿了天空重了那些多姿多彩的伞移动，沉甸甸的关好了窗想象飞鸟和跳跃在水面的阳光窗外的雨声不知什么时候又把想象打湿时光的关节处隐隐地酸仿佛屋后的河水这么涨不知什么时候能退 2010-3-8 _________________ 俞伟远：１９６７生，１９８７大学毕业、工作。19９０年后几乎与诗绝缘，2006年春重拾笔，感悟生活，凝望心灵，自得其乐。http://blog.sina.com.cn/txyuweiyuan

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2010-03-09 08:02:51 Post subject:

其实感觉很好。其实可以换一种方式写。其实是我个人的意见。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

吴景慧
秀才

Joined: 18 Feb 2010
Posts: 100
Location: 吉林白山
吴景慧Collection

Posted: 2010-03-09 08:11:13 Post subject:

小诗虽然用墨不多，但还可以凝练。一孔之见，仅供参考。 _________________ 诗是分行的文字，但不是所有分行的文字都是诗。写完了一首诗之后，自己再读一读，看看能不能先感动了你自己。http://blog.sina.com.cn/dongfanghui123

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2010-03-09 08:19:43 Post subject:

这首诗不错。隽永，清新。 _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

俞伟远
秀才

Joined: 02 Feb 2007
Posts: 282

俞伟远Collection

Posted: 2010-03-09 18:08:37 Post subject: 谢谢韩先生的提醒和指教。握手！

韩少君 wrote:

其实感觉很好。其实可以换一种方式写。其实是我个人的意见。

_________________
俞伟远：１９６７生，１９８７大学毕业、工作。19９０年后几乎与诗绝缘，2006年春重拾笔，感悟生活，凝望心灵，自得其乐。http://blog.sina.com.cn/txyuweiyuan

yinxiaoyuan
举人

Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 1181
Location: 中国北京
yinxiaoyuanCollection

Posted: 2010-03-10 18:56:32 Post subject:

天空重了那些多姿多彩的伞移动，沉甸甸的喜欢这种诗歌的质感！

根瑶
秀才

Joined: 25 Sep 2009
Posts: 106

根瑶Collection

Posted: 2010-03-10 19:01:54 Post subject:

关好了窗想象飞鸟和跳跃在水面的阳光窗外的雨声不知什么时候又把想象打湿质朴、不留痕！问候啦！

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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