Maple Review :: View topic - 原创诗歌：碧姬

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

原创诗歌：碧姬

或云或马：贺铭
童生

Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 31
Location: 中国
或云或马：贺铭Collection

Posted: 2007-02-17 20:47:35 Post subject: 原创诗歌：碧姬

碧姬或云或马碧姬我几乎忘了你的样子了你可是方圆数里的美人呢小时候总是偷偷塞到我手心几颗青杏只为听我叫你几声姐姐你便高兴了牵着我的手满野地跑碧姬不知怎么就想起你来了许是自己老了而你会更老碧姬这年龄的差距永远不会消失呢那年你披着大红盖头我还是哭啼啼的小孩子拖住你的手不肯松好像知道这一松手你就成了别人的妻成了三个孩子的母亲唉我怎么不早生几年呢碧姬不知怎么就想起你来了你弯下腰还背得起我么碧姬老了老了可真不大好 2005.12.19 _________________ 一只乱风中的风筝努力保持着平衡他胆怯他脆弱他想摆脱于是他不停地向上可是上面还是风更乱更强

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-02-17 23:37:55 Post subject:

碧姬不知怎么就想起你来了你弯下腰还背得起我么碧姬老了老了可真不大好聊家常, 很感人 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

或云或马：贺铭
童生

Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 31
Location: 中国
或云或马：贺铭Collection

Posted: 2007-02-21 22:32:38 Post subject: 谢谢鼓励

本篇是我尝试用口语写诗的开始。望诸位前辈指教。 _________________ 一只乱风中的风筝努力保持着平衡他胆怯他脆弱他想摆脱于是他不停地向上可是上面还是风更乱更强

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2007-02-21 22:37:12 Post subject:

我看到贺铭勇于尝试这才是写诗之道学习呀 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

或云或马：贺铭
童生

Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 31
Location: 中国
或云或马：贺铭Collection

Posted: 2007-02-22 01:04:52 Post subject: 谢谢和平岛

诗歌的确需要更多的人参与，更需要大家一起努力。不要怕分歧和批判，进步总要有这个过程。 _________________ 一只乱风中的风筝努力保持着平衡他胆怯他脆弱他想摆脱于是他不停地向上可是上面还是风更乱更强

号手
童生

Joined: 09 Feb 2007
Posts: 20

号手Collection

Posted: 2007-02-24 02:07:30 Post subject:

语言淡了

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-02-24 03:00:09 Post subject:

你的签名诗也不错~

云马贺铭
童生

Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 48
Location: 中国
云马贺铭Collection

Posted: 2007-03-01 23:45:04 Post subject:

号手朋友说:语言淡了. 贺铭认为,既然用口语表达,语言还是要朴素,易懂为好. 当然是我个人拙见. 谢谢号手. _________________ 风上面还是风更乱更强

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2007-03-04 23:30:49 Post subject:

情真意切，真实的力量。 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

云马贺铭
童生

Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 48
Location: 中国
云马贺铭Collection

Posted: 2007-03-05 00:22:56 Post subject:

感谢左岸朋友的支持. 云马致意. _________________ 风上面还是风更乱更强

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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