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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

早春

晴天雨天
秀才

Joined: 20 Jan 2010
Posts: 213
Location: 杭州
晴天雨天Collection

Posted: 2010-03-01 06:44:56 Post subject: 早春

早春车窗外的细雨在杭城的肌肤滚过欲望缓缓升起钱塘江一条含卵的鲫鱼跳上潮头寻找 _________________ 得到并不一定好，失去并不一定差！

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2010-03-01 21:19:17 Post subject:

有意思。淺見可以再精簡。比如：细雨在杭城的肌肤滚过欲望缓缓升起钱塘江一条含卵的鲫鱼跳上潮头 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

晴天雨天
秀才

Joined: 20 Jan 2010
Posts: 213
Location: 杭州
晴天雨天Collection

Posted: 2010-03-02 03:07:24 Post subject:

师长：我觉得形易（意）在表述过程中会不会显得单薄了？ _________________ 得到并不一定好，失去并不一定差！

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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