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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

千年之后，长安街头

下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection

Posted: 2007-02-14 01:37:15 Post subject: 千年之后，长安街头

搂群还在生长车流缓慢的在街头沉没巨幅的广告是巨幅的寂寞妓女从霓虹下走过纤细的高跟鞋踩着那些男人的脆弱男人陪着老婆孩子蹦蹦跳跳牵着妈妈的手一脸快乐老人在街边看着象个雕塑凝固的坐着有人在按喇叭大家猜想应该是个嫖客钟楼已经被包裹禁止燕子作窝挤满买票的游客城管又来了小商贩在跑我捡起地上的野广告用钢笔招供其实他们都是我逼得背面写满他们的招供陪游学生白领美女不贵其实他们都是我逼得 _________________ 我的博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1251343504

陈若祥
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Joined: 12 Feb 2007
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Location: 中国*安徽
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Posted: 2007-02-14 03:30:04 Post subject:

题目很大气．＂老人在街边看着象个雕塑凝固的坐着＂诗味很足！如果以老人为视角来写，着重刻画老人这一意象会不会更好？＂请下一个偶像是野兽＂友参考，我感觉老人就像长安，或者说长安就像一位老人．一己之见，仅供参考． _________________ ¤当树的叶子再次泛绿，繁华 ¤我们欣赏着一部与你我无关的电影 ¤看着春天悄悄地走来 ¤看着春天延伸在我们的脚下 ◆安徽凤鸣诗社◆http://blog.sina.com.cn/fmshishe

下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection

Posted: 2007-02-14 10:17:33 Post subject:

哈，谢了。尝试口语化的城市素描。总感觉，平淡的语言，背后有种巨大的力量。 _________________ 我的博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1251343504

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-02-14 10:40:50 Post subject:

下一个偶像是野兽 wrote:

哈，谢了。

尝试口语化的城市素描。总感觉，平淡的语言，背后有种巨大的力量。

同意。只是更难以驾驭。
另外，写实，增加了难度。正如画人与画龙的区别。
首先思想上一定得有料。然后是语言上的磨砺。
等以后有空闲，也想朝这方向努力。差距很大，先向大家观摩学习几年再说，哈哈。
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hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-02-14 19:49:24 Post subject:

其实他们都是我逼得 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection

Posted: 2007-02-14 22:48:39 Post subject:

哈哈，既然他们不承认，总得有人承担责任啊？ _________________ 我的博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1251343504

左岸
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Joined: 12 Oct 2006
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Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2007-02-27 05:29:04 Post subject:

直面现实，语言犀利，问好！ _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection

Posted: 2007-03-01 05:49:11 Post subject:

谢谢。总试图寻找随意的语言方式写诗。问左岸好！ _________________ 我的博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1251343504

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2007-03-01 19:20:40 Post subject:

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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