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青玉案-春思
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-11 18:53:35    Post subject: 青玉案-春思 Reply with quote

(原创)青玉案-春思

文化·原创 2008-04-13 03:54 阅读57 评论44 字号: 大大 中中 小小

文/笑聊



絮飞长舞岚烟笼,正皓月、阳春梦。锦瑟铮铮谁与弄?满楼香郁,倚炉飘送,但觉归鸣凤。

曾还记曲高能懂,妙笔难题断肠颂。敢问春愁知几重?彩笺轻设,意怀柔动,珠落花魂恸。

感谢李盈枝前辈的点拨之恩!
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2010-01-11 20:06:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

好词!

附旧作如下:

五绝 春日偶感(一)

日暖冰消散,风和绿四方。
春光脚步近,荡漾在他乡。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
七绝 春日偶感(二)

春暖雪消出晚霞,门前草绿树发芽。
远离故土几多载,茅舍天涯是我家。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
七绝 春日乡思

四月花开如画卷,桃红柳绿燕飞还。
春风若解思乡曲,吹送云霞作远帆。
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-11 20:28:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏好诗!尤以:“春风若解思乡曲,吹送云霞作远帆。”为最!
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李盈枝
状元


Joined: 28 Nov 2009
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Location: 中国山东
李盈枝Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-11 21:29:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

飞【絮】长舞岚烟笼,正皓月、【仲】春梦。锦瑟铮铮谁与弄?满楼香郁,倚炉飘送,但觉归鸣凤。

曾还记曲高【似】懂,妙笔难题断肠颂。敢问春愁【识】几重?彩笺轻设,意怀柔动,珠落花魂恸。

雙調六十七字,前後段各六句,五仄韻
賀鑄

淩波不過橫塘路。但目送、芳塵去。錦瑟年華誰與度。
⊙○◎●○○● ●◎● ○○● ◎●⊙○○●●
月樓花院。綺窗朱戶。惟有春知處。
◎○⊙● ◎○⊙● ⊙●○○●
碧雲冉冉蘅皋暮。彩筆空題斷腸句。試問閒愁知幾許。
◎○◎●○○● ◎●○○●○● ◎●⊙○○●●
一川煙草。滿城風絮。梅子黃時雨。
◎○⊙● ◎○⊙● ⊙●○○●
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2010-01-11 21:54:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊 wrote:
欣赏好诗!尤以:“春风若解思乡曲,吹送云霞作远帆。”为最!


谢诗友雅赏!
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-12 05:27:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="李盈枝"]飞【絮】长舞岚烟笼,正皓月、【仲】春梦。锦瑟铮铮谁与弄?满楼香郁,倚炉飘送,但觉归鸣凤。
...[/quote]
蒙前辈指点,知此词有四处出律 。分别是:絮,仲,似,识。调整为:絮飞长舞岚烟笼,正皓月、阳春梦。锦瑟铮铮谁与弄?满楼香郁,依炉飘送,但觉归鸣凤。
曾还记曲高能懂,妙笔难题断肠颂。敢问春愁知几重?彩笺轻设,意怀柔动,珠落花魂恸。

没有交流就不会提高。谢谢李盈枝前辈对晚学的一再点拨!
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