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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

五律再游庐山

为萧云
童生

Joined: 22 Aug 2009
Posts: 44

为萧云Collection

Posted: 2010-02-05 23:39:08 Post subject: 五律再游庐山

五律再游庐山文/ 湖北为萧云又走庐山道，倾听瀑布声。清泉留过客，翠鸟引诗情。野草风吹绿，丛林雨滴晴。云烟天际绕，此地寄余生。

李盈枝
状元

Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Posts: 5987
Location: 中国山东
李盈枝Collection

Posted: 2010-02-06 00:07:57 Post subject:

为萧云 wrote:

五律再游庐山
...

野草风吹绿，——仄仄平平仄
丛林雨初晴。——平平仄平平

“乍晴”、“转晴”之类的仄声字如何？

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-02-06 07:57:19 Post subject:

野草风吹绿，丛林雨初晴。 “吹”为平声动词，所以把“初”改成一仄声动词比较好。

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