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头痛的夜歌
上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2009-08-05 17:40:59    Post subject: 头痛的夜歌 Reply with quote

悬搁在
月亮之上
的一把
魏尔伦的
小提琴


清风
拉响“知了”
一根
思之弦



东倒
西歪
地冲进
半晚




像只
晕眩了
的鸣蝉


21:48 2009-8-5
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2009-08-07 14:31:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

肯定喝高~料!
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2009-08-07 15:56:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

法语原诗以三音节为主的诗行和AABCCB所传递的那种忧郁、颓废的情调和
那种单调却迷人的节奏实在难以传达,个人以为到目前为止还是施颍洲的译文最好。

Chanson d’automne

par Paul Verlaine

Les sanglots longs
Des violons
De l'automne
Bercent mon coeur
D'une langueur
Monotone.

Tout suffocant
Et blême, quand
Sonne l'heure,
Je me souviens
Des jours anciens
Et je pleure

Et je m'en vais
Au vent mauvais
Qui m'emporte
Deçà, delà,
Pareil à la
Feuille morte.

秋歌

保罗·魏尔伦

[灵石 译]

秋日里
呜咽的
小提琴
单调的
忧郁里
慰我心。

钟响时
我窒息
而惊惕
黯回想
旧时光
我哭泣

恍惚间
狂风卷
我飞离
近又远
如一片
死叶子。
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2009-08-07 16:01:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

另一翻译:

秋天的
小提琴
那长长的呜咽
用单调的
忧郁
刺伤我心。


窒息难忍,
脸色苍白,
当钟声敲响,
我回想起
旧日的时光
不禁悲泣;

我走向
这恶风
风吹得我
或东或西
就象是
一片枯叶。

魏尔伦是个早慧的诗人,18岁时就写出了这首名诗《秋歌》,传诵至今,22岁时出版了第一本诗集《感伤集》,连老诗人雨果都称赞他的诗句之美。
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2009-08-07 16:05:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

随便到网上搜索,感觉翻译过来的都很差,没有神韵

我觉得我的这首更好。汉语也有同样的神妙。不着一字,尽得风流
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2009-08-08 21:01:04    Post subject: 确是,灵石先生加工过的与原作有些距离。 Reply with quote

上城 wrote:
随便到网上搜索,感觉翻译过来的都很差,没有神韵
...

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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2009-08-08 21:40:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

学着您的用字也走一回。


秋风,拉响了一根思之弦
那长长的呜咽,用单调的忧郁
刺伤我心

钟声,敲醒旧日时光
我不禁悲泣

风大起,苍茫的夜色中
我似一片枯叶

摇曳在时空里哀鸣,那长长的呜咽
是一把忧郁的小提琴
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2009-08-09 22:20:23    Post subject: 以后注意了 Reply with quote

你的这首也很有味

问好
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