罗湖车站 (A REVISED Translation)

[非马]

罗湖车站
──返乡组曲之八

我知道
那不是我的母亲
我的母亲
她老人家在澄海城
十个钟头前我同她含泪道别
但这手挽包袱的老太太
像极了我的母亲

我知道
那不是我的父亲
我的父亲
他老人家在台北市
这两天我要去探望他
但这拄著拐杖的老先生
像极了我的父亲

他们在月台上相遇
彼此看了一眼
果然并不相识

离别了三十多年
我的母亲手挽包袱
在月台上遇到
拄著拐杖的我的父亲
彼此看了一眼
可怜竟相见不相识

(一)
AT THE LUOHU TRAIN STATION

I know she is not my mother
my mother is in Chenghai City
I bid her a tearful goodbye ten hours ago
but this old woman with a cloth wrapper in her hand
looks so much like my mother

I know he is not my father
my father is in Taipei City
I am going to visit him in a couple of days
but this old man staggering with a cane
looks so much like my father

they meet on the platform
cast a glance at each other
and sure enough they are perfect strangers

separated for over thirty years
my mother with a cloth wrapper in her hand
encounters on the platform my father
staggering with a cane
they cast a glance at each other
and, alas! they don't even recognize each other

昨晚参加工作坊,美国诗友们对这首诗都很感兴趣,说非常POWERFUL.但他们之中只有一个人真正了解最后一节的涵义.这可能同他们的文化背景有关.但也有可能是文字的差异所造成的.我把译诗的题目及最后一节调整了一下,他们都说好多了.不知大家的意见如何? 非马,6/10/09

(二)
AT LUOHU BORDER STATION, SUMMER 1980

I know she is not my mother
my mother is in Chenghai
I bade her a tearful goodbye ten hours ago
but this old woman with a cloth bundle in her hand
looks so much like my mother

I know he is not my father
my father is in Taipei
I am going to visit him in a couple of days
but this old man staggering with a cane
looks so much like my father

they meet on the platform
glancing at each other
and are indeed strangers

having been separated for over thirty years
if my mother with a cloth bundle in her hand
encountered my father staggering with a cane
on the platform of this border station
they would exchange glances
and, alas! wouldn't recognize each other
_________________
欢迎访问<非马艺术世界>
http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm

[Lake]

Heartfelt, tear-jerking.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[William Zhou周道模]

学习非马老师新作。先说汉语诗吧，平静的叙述语言刻画两位像父母的老人，通过他们的不识来想象自己的父母的分离。而这巨大的历史伤痛却淡淡地处理，可能是时间的原因，可能是诗人个性的原因，更可能是这种伤痛是普遍性的，诗人不愿强烈抒一家之情来遮掩民族的伤痛吧？我的大伯随军去了台湾，他后来回乡，我见过他的一些台湾的乡友，我了解他们的情况和酸楚。所以我特能读懂老师的这首诗，内心深处的东西很含蓄很委婉地暗示了出来。可能有些人是读不大懂这种深沉内涵的。谢谢！
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[戴玨]

呵呵，寫得曲折回環，一波三折。
_________________
I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄

[非马]

谢谢LAKE, 道模,戴玨. 端午节愉快!
_________________
欢迎访问<非马艺术世界>
http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm

[枫桥]

这种感情非常人能道……
_________________
锋镝牢囚取次过，依然不费我弦歌。死犹未肯输心法，贫也岂能奈我何。

[William Zhou周道模]

以拙诗《归灵的台胞》唱和非马先生：

归 灵 的 台 胞

生在大陆活在台湾的外省人

泪渡海峡跟梦回家的 老兵

历史和战争锯断的 鬼 魂

2009-5-28 下午
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[Lake]

[Lake]

As I said before I still like the original, the scene is quite dramatic. The revised with the "if" sounds a bit telly. It's a matter of taste, I guess.

Regards,
Lake
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins