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《雪夜》
沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-29 03:55:44    Post subject: 《雪夜》 Reply with quote

《雪夜》

雪夜吞食了一些声音
如果你喊我,在那么远的地方
喊我,我会在第一场春雨里
找到吐绿的骨骼。而今夜
我无从得知,你的思念
是不是蛰入了白雪的毛孔
或像传说中的那只银狐
留下一串脚印,让我痴迷
但我可以想像,你清纯的目光
撞在雪花上,叮当作响


《秘密花园》

和树林、鸟鸣及沙沙的风声
保持一定的距离。在炊烟的影子下
亲近红的黑的泥土。当斑斓的翅膀
在我的心空闪亮,我有了类似于
水对鱼的情感。我把自己打开
看到安静的花园,风将一束
飘逝的光线吹回来,露珠
纯净到可以折射隐秘的爱情
我看到自己化做一只绿鸟
在花园腹地筑巢
等待满园罂粟或莲花的盛开


《绕道而行》

青春,洁白,风向标一样伫立
我顺着喧嚣的风,抵达你,抵达曾经的小溪
心上的尘泥,被轻轻涤去
寂静的时候,我转身,把秋阳
挡在咫尺之外。我的背影
仿佛在另一种光芒里,长出一溜的青草

一根琴弦,在你我岔开的地方
骤然沉寂。脚下宽畅的马路空空荡荡
心的方向,田野,田野上的风,风中瑟瑟的枯草
草丛里啾啾的鸟鸣,如炊烟般温暖,然后
我看到了春天
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-29 18:53:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

如果你喊我,在那么远的地方
喊我,我会在第一场春雨里
找到吐绿的骨骼。而今夜
我无从得知,你的思念
。。。。。。。。。。。。。表述从容,状态不错。提。
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-01-29 20:33:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

但我可以想像,你清纯的目光
撞在雪花上,叮当作响

确实精彩
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-30 02:45:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

确实精彩,感情很饱满,欣赏~
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-30 05:28:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

前2首很好,第3首有些句子似乎不讲。比如:“青春,洁白,风向标一样伫立 ”。青春和洁白并列,实在不好理解。
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-30 05:57:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

我觉得,洁白——纯洁,这样看,就容易理解了。
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沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-30 19:44:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好赵福治、hepingdao、杯中冲浪、荷梦!

回杯中冲浪、荷梦:意见收。我是取“纯洁”的意思。她喜欢穿一身白色连衣裙:))
又,“洁白”不是“苍白”,我习惯上感觉在这里“洁白”比“纯洁”有视觉刺激:)
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