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《麦梢黄时》,请批!
yinxiaoyuan
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Joined: 08 Jun 2007
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PostPosted: 2009-05-04 23:06:13    Post subject: 《麦梢黄时》,请批! Reply with quote

麦梢黄时

文/殷晓媛

某生潦倒,屡试不第。其妻以貌美闻,更贤厚温良,寝食事之,终未离弃。一日,妻奇病暴毙,生恸哭三日三夜,神思游离,粒米不进。偶逢卜者于途,乃问之。大笑曰:“且勿自扰。汝前世福造,当有腾达之年。麦收时节,令阃必归。”生大悲,泣曰:“人死不能复生,何以归焉?”……

夕阳吞吐雕梁画栋,白昼稀薄的面孔掠过

丛生的巷道。香料的烟雾疯长,不急不徐犹如呼吸

穿过窗户纸混进云层。这是麦浪澎湃的季节,

来自田野的召唤,抛撒开天罗地网,通宵疾驰



以野性的名义给他托梦。熟透的晴空沉甸甸

垂下来,压得他的房梁幻觉翩跹。有些东西无法收进

匣子和画轴,比如虚妄的狂想、自以为是的爱情

以及本来毫不相干的季节。他的油灯在情节中

不断下沉,铜锈色爬上空缺的标题。被油纸的纸鸢牵引



他跨过叠嶂的屋脊和锐利的月光,像剑客手中那缕

寒冷的光。白发瞬间就撕扯满天地,雪花冲天迸发

草木万物都擎起愤怒的旗幡。命运欠他一个承诺,一笔

镇纸压不住的债,渗满梨花的颜色,在几案上来回翻滚。他曾企图



借烈日的手将麦穗驱赶出泥土,借清水的泪把墨迹

撵出宣纸,借亭台楼阁的臂膀把冬天锁在关外,借鬼神风水

把魂魄逐出孤冢。不知是怎样的因缘,借凡人的口

留给他一个虚构的结局。读故事的人,翻破了那些泛黄的纸张

也找不到解药。
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吟啸徐行
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PostPosted: 2009-05-04 23:15:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

以小说的构思写诗,吹来一股强烈的风,震撼!
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yinxiaoyuan
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PostPosted: 2009-05-04 23:33:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好吟啸徐行,感谢点评!
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安红红
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Joined: 07 Feb 2009
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PostPosted: 2009-05-05 00:07:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

内容单薄了些~词澡还行~借小说写诗歌~也尽量的交待下情节~在诗中
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