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倒挂的时钟如此脆弱(外二首)
林宗申
童生


Joined: 29 Jul 2008
Posts: 83
Location: 四川省
林宗申Collection
PostPosted: 2009-04-04 17:04:01    Post subject: 倒挂的时钟如此脆弱(外二首) Reply with quote

倒挂的时钟如此脆弱(外二首)

文/四川 林宗申

这是一种隐忍的表述
没有刀的切入就血流不止
空气中弥漫着死的云烟

深吸一口燃烧的气
吹,下坠的雨滴
是谁。停留在时间表面
弯曲了生命的痕迹

倒挂的时钟布满
灰、泥,那些触不到的雨
淅淅沥沥。清晨的光
又以另一种姿态
将岁月的尘埃
轻轻覆盖


从乐山到成都的路上

八点十分,回家的路
拥挤。车祸。尸体。血液
还有看不清的内伤
摆放在
冰冷的土地上

沿着时而笔直时而弯曲
的路,我们不断
抵达下一站
那里的幻影,慌乱

痛苦依然往心里钻
我,多想是穿行在父亲的
血管,去击碎每一处
拦路的血栓


生死离别

空气不是那么明朗
灰蒙蒙的,像是有风
吹动孤鸣的琴弦

身负疲乏的行囊
远方亲人倾斜的影子
浮现,纠结缠绵的山冈

最初的痛苦和欢乐
耕种在,父母对儿的希望上
如今已不是那么渺茫

只是那可恶的
阎罗王,将我与父亲
尘世相隔
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杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2009-04-04 22:49:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

第一首,语感很好,但诗意不明朗。
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林宗申
童生


Joined: 29 Jul 2008
Posts: 83
Location: 四川省
林宗申Collection
PostPosted: 2009-04-07 23:25:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

杯中冲浪 wrote:
第一首,语感很好,但诗意不明朗。


感谢批阅.问候
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2009-04-09 10:48:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

同意杯中冲浪~~

关键是诗意和内容~词澡虽然重要~却是附着于诗意的~~

问好~
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