qinghongh 榜眼
 
  Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
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				 Posted: 2009-04-08 07:31:24    Post subject: 七绝	春日乡思 | 
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				七绝	春日乡思
 
 
四月花开如画卷,桃红柳绿燕飞还。 
 
春风若解思乡曲,吹送白云作远帆。
 
 
(白:新韵平声。)
 
 
新改:
 
 
七绝	春日乡思
 
 
四月花开如画卷,桃红柳绿燕飞还。 
 
春风若解思乡曲,吹送云霞作远帆。 | 
			 
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		白云闲人 探花
 
  Joined: 26 Aug 2007 Posts: 3466
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				 Posted: 2009-04-08 11:29:21    Post subject:  | 
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				诗情画意! _________________ 诗中岁月,
 
笛里关山. | 
			 
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		自然风 童生
 
  Joined: 20 Feb 2009 Posts: 53
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				 Posted: 2009-04-08 22:44:09    Post subject: 探讨 | 
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	  | qinghongh wrote: | 
	 
	
	  七绝	春日乡思
 
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白字如作仄声,则此句就犯孤平了。不知对否。见谅。 | 
			 
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		qinghongh 榜眼
 
  Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
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				 Posted: 2009-04-09 06:38:53    Post subject:  | 
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	  | 自然风 wrote: | 
	 
	
	  
 
	  | qinghongh wrote: | 
	 
	
	  七绝	春日乡思
 
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白字如作仄声,则此句就犯孤平了。不知对否。见谅。 | 
	 
 
 
 
谢诗友指出。白在《新华字典》里是第二声,应该是平声。这里就做新韵吧。 | 
			 
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		qinghongh 榜眼
 
  Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
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				 Posted: 2009-04-09 06:39:51    Post subject:  | 
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谢白云老师雅赏 | 
			 
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		qinghongh 榜眼
 
  Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
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				 Posted: 2009-04-09 11:38:53    Post subject:  | 
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	  | qinghongh wrote: | 
	 
	
	  七绝	春日乡思
 
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新改如下:
 
 
七绝	春日乡思
 
 
四月花开如画卷,桃红柳绿燕飞还。 
 
春风若解思乡曲,吹送云霞作远帆。 | 
			 
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		王君明 秀才
  
  Joined: 03 Apr 2007 Posts: 250 Location: 甘肃天水 王君明Collection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2009-04-10 00:01:45    Post subject:  | 
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				春风若解思乡曲,吹送云帆回故园。
 
转结见精彩。 _________________ 虚拟网络 真实生活 | 
			 
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		qinghongh 榜眼
 
  Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
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				 Posted: 2009-04-10 01:38:00    Post subject:  | 
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	  | 王君明 wrote: | 
	 
	
	  春风若解思乡曲,吹送云帆回故园。
 
转结见精彩。 | 
	 
 
 
 
谢君明兄赏读雅评。 | 
			 
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