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七绝 春日乡思
qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2009-04-08 07:31:24    Post subject: 七绝 春日乡思 Reply with quote
七绝 春日乡思

四月花开如画卷，桃红柳绿燕飞还。
春风若解思乡曲，吹送白云作远帆。

(白：新韵平声。）

新改：

七绝 春日乡思

四月花开如画卷，桃红柳绿燕飞还。
春风若解思乡曲，吹送云霞作远帆。
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: 2009-04-08 11:29:21    Post subject: Reply with quote
诗情画意!
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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自然风
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Joined: 20 Feb 2009
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PostPosted: 2009-04-08 22:44:09    Post subject: 探讨 Reply with quote
qinghongh wrote:
七绝 春日乡思
...

白字如作仄声，则此句就犯孤平了。不知对否。见谅。
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2009-04-09 06:38:53    Post subject: Reply with quote
自然风 wrote:
qinghongh wrote:
七绝 春日乡思
...

白字如作仄声，则此句就犯孤平了。不知对否。见谅。


谢诗友指出。白在《新华字典》里是第二声，应该是平声。这里就做新韵吧。
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qinghongh
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PostPosted: 2009-04-09 06:39:51    Post subject: Reply with quote
白云闲人 wrote:
诗情画意!


谢白云老师雅赏
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qinghongh
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PostPosted: 2009-04-09 11:38:53    Post subject: Reply with quote
qinghongh wrote:
七绝 春日乡思
...


新改如下：

七绝 春日乡思

四月花开如画卷，桃红柳绿燕飞还。
春风若解思乡曲，吹送云霞作远帆。
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王君明
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: 2009-04-10 00:01:45    Post subject: Reply with quote
春风若解思乡曲，吹送云帆回故园。
转结见精彩。
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虚拟网络　真实生活
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: 2009-04-10 01:38:00    Post subject: Reply with quote
王君明 wrote:
春风若解思乡曲，吹送云帆回故园。
转结见精彩。


谢君明兄赏读雅评。
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