Maple Review :: View topic - 黄昏一只鸟

	Chinese Literature Society of North America \| Maple Review \| Immigrants in Canada \| Angel Studio \| The Driftwood Artist Society \| Ocean of Poetry \| Island of Music "HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
	FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register Profile Log in to check your private messages Sign in Blogs Weblogs News Album



Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

黄昏一只鸟

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-03-27 10:40:12 Post subject: 黄昏一只鸟

黄昏一只鸟一只受伤的鸟飞过白天在她的翅膀逐渐消逝的天边优美的飞翔和着由远渐近的黑暗定格成夜的门谁的手在天以上唯一收留鸟类的地方开启或关闭一扇门使耀眼与黯然　飞翔与跌落成为同等的力量击中这只鸟是夜一扇门敞开为这只鸟　里外一致地宁静 _________________ 隔海抒情

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-03-27 16:51:51 Post subject:

是夜一扇门敞开为这只鸟　里外一致地宁静在空旷的构架中得到宁静 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

赵福治
探花

Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection

Posted: 2007-03-27 17:41:16 Post subject:

谁的手在天以上唯一收留鸟类的地方 ........内心的思索.

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-03-27 18:34:36 Post subject:

思索的, 相对的......

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-03-28 05:03:56 Post subject:

优美的飞翔和着由远渐近的黑暗定格成夜的门 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-03-28 05:41:43 Post subject:

使耀眼与黯然　飞翔与跌落成为同等的力量击中这只鸟学习!

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-03-28 07:53:14 Post subject:

一并谢谢以上各位诗兄姐妹的来访阅读.多交流问好各位. _________________ 隔海抒情

司马策风
举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection

Posted: 2007-03-29 00:33:24 Post subject: Re: 黄昏一只鸟

刘雨萍 wrote:

黄昏一只鸟

一只受伤的鸟
飞过白天
在她的翅膀逐渐消逝的天边
优美的飞翔
和着由远渐近的黑暗
定格成夜的门

谁的手
在天以上
唯一收留鸟类的地方
开启或关闭一扇门
使耀眼与黯然　飞翔与跌落
成为同等的力量
击中这只鸟

是夜一扇门敞开
为这只鸟　里外一致地
宁静

“优美的飞翔
和着由远渐近的黑暗
定格成夜的门”

这是有韵味的好句子。读了几遍，感觉有的地方似可小动，不知当否？

我尝试着这样可否更简练：

一只受伤的鸟
飞过白天
在她的翅膀逐渐消逝的天边
优美的飞翔
和着由远渐近的黑暗
定格成夜的门

谁的手
在天以上，
开启或关闭一扇门
可有收留鸟类的地方
使耀眼与黯然　飞翔与跌落
打开哲学同页的两面

夜，一扇门敞开
从这里　隐约传来天国的蟋蟀
若有若无的鸣唱
_________________
《北美枫》司马策风文集

http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-03-29 07:25:05 Post subject:

谢谢司马的仔细阅读. 我个人觉得,诗歌还是留些空白,让读诗的人有更多想象的空间为好. "耀眼与黯然　飞翔与跌落"的对比,就是一个刀刃的两面,似乎不必那句"打开哲学同页的两面"来诠释. 还有, 我还是觉得自己的那个结尾比较有空间,其他的人可以读出宁静,另一些人也许可以听到蟋蟀鸣唱. 本着对诗歌的讨论,并没有"唯我是好"之意. 再次谢谢司马的诚意和认真. 问好. _________________ 隔海抒情

孙慧峰
童生

Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 97

孙慧峰Collection

Posted: 2007-03-30 04:33:14 Post subject:

是夜一扇门敞开为这只鸟　里外一致地宁静好句子!形神皆出~漂亮!

三色堇
秀才

Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 148
Location: 西安
三色堇Collection

Posted: 2007-03-30 04:42:56 Post subject:

欣赏这样的好诗,提读.

下一个偶像是野兽
秀才

Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection

Posted: 2007-03-30 06:32:35 Post subject:

欣赏。 _________________ 我的博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1251343504

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-03-30 07:10:52 Post subject:

孙慧峰 wrote:

是夜一扇门敞开
为这只鸟　里外一致地
宁静

好句子!形神皆出~漂亮!

谢谢.在为第三期选诗时,有机会读了你的许多诗,很有深度的一位诗人,诗的意境和异象也很好. 多交流. 问好.
_________________
隔海抒情

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-03-30 07:16:12 Post subject:

三色堇 wrote:

欣赏这样的好诗,提读.

一并谢谢三色堇和偶象两位来之西安的访问.多交流.遥祝问好.
_________________
隔海抒情

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-04-19 18:03:47 Post subject:

学习 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

Display posts from previous:

Emoticons





View more Emoticons

Page 1 of 1 View previous topic View next topic

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME