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"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
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雪 梅
是有缘
秀才


Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-08 16:08:30    Post subject: 雪 梅 Reply with quote

看似桃花却是梅,
含苞待放早春魁。
从来傲骨殊难得,
落雪痴情莫忘归。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-08 17:14:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

有缘兄盛赞雪梅之铮铮傲骨,好诗!

结句的主语应该是谁?雪梅?夫子自道?友人?难以确定.

梅花有恋雪情结,此处若用"恋雪痴情",确定梅花作主语,

则可与第三句互相呼应了,不知当否?
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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是有缘
秀才


Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-08 17:50:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄老师好!谢谢您欣赏。

按说,后两句是在提醒自己虽然非常喜欢梅花,但也不要在雪里看梅花发呆,以致忘了归去。

但如果以先生梅花恋雪的思路的话,末句或可改为:

看似桃花却是梅,
含苞待放早春魁。
从来傲骨殊难得,
恋雪痴情抱梦归。
_________________
蜻蜓点水非无意 愁云化雨是有情
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-08 23:54:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

改得好!梅恋雪,诗人恋梅,抱梦而归.环环相扣,相得益彰.
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-09 09:03:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

咏梅好诗!
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-09 16:17:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

转结自然、脱俗!
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