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夕照
老山
秀才


Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-23 22:53:38    Post subject: 夕照 Reply with quote

夕 照
——步韵和赵君《柳枝》


虽然白雪漫眉梢,
但有功夫铁打腰。
莫笑人生多古怪,
夕阳坡下横吹萧。

桂花香澈艳阳天,
夕照山川红半边。
共赏金秋好光景,
登台路上肩并肩。

君把《柳枝》歌半天,
我将《夕照》写三篇。
斜阳绿柳双双美,
相映楼台千百爿。
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-11-24 08:38:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

老山好诗!请帖《柳枝》共赏。
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老山
秀才


Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-26 01:17:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
老山好诗!请帖《柳枝》共赏。


谢谢!
现将我朋友从短信中发来的《柳枝》贴如下,供赏读:

赵更生《柳枝》

醉抚斜阳看柳梢,长条轻舞动蛮腰。
浏阳河畔风光好,收入吾诗伴洞箫。

长爱芙蓉八月天,栾花黄遍古城边。
更有丹桂迎佳节,柳丝轻抚路人肩。

一曲浏阳红半天,而今柳岸谱新篇。
河上长桥三五座,城中大厦万千爿。


我的和诗因有出律之处,修改后为:


夕 照
——步韵和更生《柳枝》


虽然白雪漫眉梢,但有功夫铁打腰。
莫笑人生多古怪,夕阳河畔鼻吹萧。

桂花香澈艳阳天,夕照山川红半边。
共赏金秋好时节,登台路上肩并肩。

君把柳枝歌半天,我将夕照写三篇。
斜阳绿柳双双美,装点楼台千百爿。
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-11-26 08:26:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

唱和俱佳!
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-26 13:49:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜欢, 提
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-26 16:32:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

虽然白雪漫眉梢,
但有功夫铁打腰。

最喜欢这句,传神,硬朗。
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老山
秀才


Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-27 03:58:56    Post subject: 问好冰清 Reply with quote

好久没上网了,向冰清问好!
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-27 06:47:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

柳枝柔,夕照朗,唱和佳!
_________________
诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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丘河
秀才


Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Posts: 116
Location: 科尔沁vs庄周故里
丘河Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-27 23:59:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

好韵味 clamping
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陪情感在哲理中流淌——
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又一方天
秀才


Joined: 16 Nov 2006
Posts: 385

又一方天Collection
PostPosted: 2008-11-28 23:33:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

莫笑人生多古怪,
夕阳坡下横吹萧。

----出彩!
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空钩久垂
钓得
烟波月醉
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