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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

夜行的豹

轮回的马
童生

Joined: 23 Nov 2008
Posts: 4
Location: 四川夹江县察院街人和居
轮回的马Collection

Posted: 2008-11-23 16:43:03 Post subject: 夜行的豹

木头们醒着。在走动的肩上像过去一样蹲在星光的背后思想开始分枝黑暗里的一点亮醒着被铜层层包裹他走得很快把一些疼痛走完就在水里呈现睡眠状态等到一个勇士的力气使尽母兽把小兽送走安静的根系竖着耳朵听到了骨骸的声响

司马策风
举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection

Posted: 2008-11-23 18:20:55 Post subject:

意象跳跃很大，似乎欠缺内在联系——即使藕断，尚需丝连，这就是诗歌内在的“跳跃与联系的辨证关系”。如果把握好这个分寸，必然有所长进！个见，仅供参考。问好！ _________________ 《北美枫》司马策风文集 http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

轮回的马
童生

Joined: 23 Nov 2008
Posts: 4
Location: 四川夹江县察院街人和居
轮回的马Collection

Posted: 2008-11-23 19:31:24 Post subject:

司马策风 wrote:

意象跳跃很大，似乎欠缺内在联系——即使藕断，尚需丝连，
...

有点，谢读。
我会融合的。
问好。

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
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