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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

五绝破舟曲

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2008-11-19 08:15:58 Post subject: 五绝破舟曲

五绝破舟曲波中旧扁舟，虫蛀烂船头。贪腐倡独立，台湾一小丑。

钓月
秀才

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-11-19 15:33:27 Post subject:

说得好！主要应该在机制上多采取一些措施！ _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2008-11-19 15:33:32 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

五绝破舟曲

波中一扁舟，虫蛀烂船头。
贪腐倡独立，难当大海流。

如在第一句中再引入该人姓氏，可改为：

波中旧扁舟，虫蛀烂船头。
贪腐倡独立，难当大海流。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-11-19 16:10:32 Post subject:

送陈水扁呢? 改得好

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2008-11-19 17:45:28 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

送陈水扁呢? 改得好 Very Happy

波，水也，旧，陈旧也。陈旧水上一扁舟而已。破船！

晓松
举人

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection

Posted: 2008-11-21 17:04:47 Post subject:

破舟曲写的好。跟一个：陈水成污水，阿扁该当扁。聚敛不义财，报应在早晚。

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2008-11-21 18:12:56 Post subject:

晓松 wrote:

破舟曲写的好。跟一个：
...

晓松兄和诗痛快！

野航
秀才

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Location: toronto
野航Collection

Posted: 2008-11-25 17:29:52 Post subject:

晓松 wrote:

破舟曲写的好。跟一个：
...

写得好,跟得更好!
_________________
回归自然回归心灵回归传统

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2008-11-26 08:33:53 Post subject:

野航 wrote:

晓松 wrote:

破舟曲写的好。跟一个：
...

写得好,跟得更好!

谢野航兄！

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2008-11-26 14:40:09 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

五绝破舟曲

波中一扁舟，虫蛀烂船头。
贪腐倡独立，难当大海流。

改一改（仄韵）：

五绝破舟曲

波中旧扁舟，虫蛀烂船头。
贪腐倡独立，台湾一小丑。

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