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小不点
布萨
童生


Joined: 08 Oct 2007
Posts: 4

布萨Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-25 18:44:10    Post subject: 小不点 Reply with quote

(1)



一眼忘不到忧伤的

应该是你。

我每天都很忙碌。舞蹈

像一片正在旋落的枫叶。身心疲惫。

忙到忘记了忧伤,藏在哪片落叶里。



(2)



她吞下三根睫毛

以后还会吞。

若想解开这道咒

就请弄瞎她盅惑的眼眉。



(3)



他的电话忙碌

短消息不停。

这让她把一串号码

按过一遍又一遍

却始终不能发送。



(4)

身体的忙碌——

可排遣空空的寂寥。

可以假装不想,不去琢磨

远方天气的冷暖,和那里的你们。



冷也是你们的冷

让热悬浮着不能着陆。

缺少正面交锋,不下雨的天空

看起来多么好。



(5)



一片落叶——

用最后的红

完成对爱情的回光返照。



(6)

一个西红柿

被许多人扒过了皮。

现在,这个旧意象

像遭轮奸的女子

赤裸着肌肤模糊的果肉。

一团形似血迹的汁液

留在扒皮者的墙壁,刺目。
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2008-10-25 22:21:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

前面的很好看,最后一个在整组里有点刺眼,不知是否有意为之。
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
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PostPosted: 2008-10-26 02:24:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

忙到忘记了忧伤,藏在哪片落叶里....前面的还不错.精练些.
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-28 00:49:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜欢最后一节,我和梅地意见相左,感觉最后一节有最诗歌的想象和张力。
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