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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《一首诗的删除过程》五首

秀水
秀才

Joined: 31 May 2008
Posts: 221
Location: 山东聊城
秀水Collection

Posted: 2008-10-07 20:29:39 Post subject: 《一首诗的删除过程》五首

《一首诗的删除过程》她一个词一个词地删除先删除爱再删除恨犹豫再三又删除沉渣泛起的微醉，眩晕最后，她鼠标轻点删除自已《回避》她回避冷风和雨水她回避绳索和刀子她回避阳光和蜂蜜她小心翼翼地踩着生活的钢丝《一枚橙子》他摘下你就走了这些天，你是安静的呆在一只精致的白瓷盘里橙亮，光鲜我没有去碰你没有去碰你满腹的辛酸《调正》她调正花朵的心跳和秋天一致和你一致和你的忧郁一致暗下去的是她内心的小灯盏《一首诗的修改过程》她关闭门窗，隔离噪音专注每个字，每个词调整色调在明亮与昏黑之间骨骼在刚硬与柔弱之间体温在炽热与冰冷之间心跳在急促与缓慢之间眼神在迷离与清醒之间表情在甜蜜与苦涩之间不能靠左，也不能去靠右她不让这些词随意走动，纠缠制造风暴和惊雷抚慰她又扰乱她她是失败的整个下午她笑着哭，哭着笑一次次被它们杀死又救回 _________________ 秀水：省青协会员.在《星星诗刊》《绿风》《诗选刊》《常青藤诗刊》等发表诗歌散文二百余篇。兼写童话。邮箱xshx100@163.com 秀水博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/feizoudeshui

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-10-07 23:35:41 Post subject:

非常欣赏这些精致的短诗。应该坚持写短。这应该是方向。现代人多无耐心，信息量又大，要求诗人必须在短时间内打动人。这需要不凡的思考，视角，语言功力。她小心翼翼地踩着生活的钢丝想起了自己早年的一个，也是从踩钢丝入题。。。不过意思不同，记得几句看他在弦上的行走摇摇欲坠是他的卖弄 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2008-10-08 10:26:51 Post subject:

_________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

秀水
秀才

Joined: 31 May 2008
Posts: 221
Location: 山东聊城
秀水Collection

Posted: 2008-10-09 00:26:07 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

非常欣赏这些精致的短诗。应该坚持写短。这应该是方向。现代人多无耐心，信息量又大，要求诗人必须在短时间内打动人。这需要不凡的思考，视角，语言功力。
...

问候nobody。谢谢评读。同感，新诗益短。正在学习中，还请多批。遥祝秋天快乐
。
_________________
秀水：省青协会员.在《星星诗刊》《绿风》《诗选刊》《常青藤诗刊》等发表诗歌散文二百余篇。兼写童话。邮箱xshx100@163.com
秀水博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/feizoudeshui

秀水
秀才

Joined: 31 May 2008
Posts: 221
Location: 山东聊城
秀水Collection

Posted: 2008-10-09 00:28:14 Post subject: 同

博弈 wrote:

谢谢博弈鼓励也祝你好 Very Happy

_________________
秀水：省青协会员.在《星星诗刊》《绿风》《诗选刊》《常青藤诗刊》等发表诗歌散文二百余篇。兼写童话。邮箱xshx100@163.com
秀水博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/feizoudeshui

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-10-12 16:55:18 Post subject:

《一首诗的删除过程》她一个词一个词地删除先删除爱再删除恨犹豫再三又删除沉渣泛起的微醉，眩晕最后，她鼠标轻点删除自已喜欢

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