拈花微笑
秀才
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 311
拈花微笑Collection |
 Posted: 2008-09-29 05:17:46 Post subject: 和黄昏对饮 |
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黄昏，琥珀色的天空
杯中酒浆映得一片澄明
新月升起，笑吟吟的嘴唇
秋天无辜的大眼睛
眨着琥珀色，和我对视
这样清澈，温柔无语
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身
Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection |
| Posted: 2008-09-29 05:22:18 Post subject: |
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直接从第二段读，第一段就显逊色。
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苏茉儿
秀才
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739
苏茉儿Collection |
| Posted: 2008-09-29 08:08:48 Post subject: |
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也来分一杯。。。
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默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。 |
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悠子
举人
Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection |
| Posted: 2008-09-29 08:35:16 Post subject: |
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| 很温柔的秋天 |
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曲元奇
秀才
Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection |
| Posted: 2008-09-30 21:15:17 Post subject: |
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| 没有举杯邀它 它自己就来了 |
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爱爱
秀才
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 167
爱爱Collection |
| Posted: 2008-10-03 12:55:50 Post subject: |
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| 秋天用天真无邪的大眼睛看着你~~ |
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拈花微笑
秀才
Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 311
拈花微笑Collection |
| Posted: 2008-10-04 18:11:09 Post subject: 改一下 |
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| 拈花微笑 wrote: |
黄昏，琥珀色的天空
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白云擦亮了琥珀酒杯
黄昏和我满面酡红
新月升起，笑吟吟的嘴唇
秋天无辜的大眼睛
眨着琥珀光泽，和我对视
那样清澈，温柔无语
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身
Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection |
| Posted: 2008-10-04 18:17:52 Post subject: 白云，有些问题？ |
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| 拈花微笑 wrote: |
| 拈花微笑 wrote: |
黄昏，琥珀色的天空
... |
白云擦亮了琥珀酒杯
... |
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真 |
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