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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

在风中逝去......

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白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-13 16:49:54 Post subject: 在风中逝去......

在风中逝去...... 打狗棍敲打铜盆的佝偻直至破碎的锣震颤酒干淌卖无... ... 飞车的你在唱还是在喊无奈, 或者是一首歌? 磁带散乱了扎紧了谁的咽喉, 又是谁? 在风中噎然流泪的笔醉了涂抹着疼痛

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2006-12-13 18:06:05 Post subject:

感觉被风吹得七零八落 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-13 18:57:00 Post subject:

和平岛 wrote:

感觉被风吹得七零八落
Very Happy

感觉相近. 但不是被风吹得七零八落, 而是那锣被敲的让人听着七零八落. Wink

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2006-12-13 19:44:57 Post subject:

我喜欢打鼓震天动地的 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2006-12-13 20:07:31 Post subject:

楼主最近心情不好；））好像给七七和诗。。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-13 20:21:17 Post subject:

kokho wrote:

楼主最近心情不好；））

好像给七七和诗。。。

不是喔. 这类诗一个月前写了好几首(曾告诉过诗友, I HAVE THE WITNESS Wink

) 只不过压下来没发 Very Happy

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2006-12-13 21:21:55 Post subject: 压抑

似乎有一种"痛"的感觉

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-13 21:52:39 Post subject: Re: 压抑

迪拜 wrote:

似乎有一种"痛"的感觉

谢谢, 那天和一诗友同车, 录音带一直放这首歌, 旋律就印在脑子里了. 回来写了好几首同题材的诗歌, 较草, 故未发.

风动
秀才

Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 290

风动Collection

Posted: 2006-12-16 17:46:13 Post subject:

很有魅力的标题。。。问好月光。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-16 17:53:33 Post subject:

风动 wrote:

很有魅力的标题。。。问好月光。 Smile

风动, 我那么多好诗歌你不看, 干嘛专选这首瞎写的. 开个玩笑 Wink

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2006-12-17 03:15:02 Post subject:

看回帖感觉你是个很快乐的人，这种情绪容易感染人~ 我是个大姐姐,以后不要乱猜了哦~

杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2006-12-17 05:13:11 Post subject:

最后2节好，拓出去了，精彩。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

维鹿延
秀才

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection

Posted: 2006-12-17 10:05:22 Post subject:

以前常唱酒干倘卖无，至今不忘啊…… _________________ 散步者身体里面的声音

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2006-12-17 14:11:30 Post subject:

原来你还会唱福建歌　 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-12-17 19:49:17 Post subject:

语境不错，很有些情绪化 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-18 19:18:43 Post subject:

半溪明月 wrote:

看回帖感觉你是个很快乐的人，这种情绪容易感染人~ Very Happy

我是个大姐姐,以后不要乱猜 Wink

了哦~

对不起

你不觉得我们的笔名很有缘吗 Confused

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-18 19:21:26 Post subject:

北方狼 wrote:

最后2节好，拓出去了，精彩。

这首没太用心写,

谢谢你的鼓励.

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-18 19:31:44 Post subject:

维鹿延 wrote:

以前常唱酒干倘卖无，至今不忘啊……

那天和一位诗友同游, 这位也是广东人, 放了一路这首歌......

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-18 19:39:27 Post subject:

kokho wrote:

原来你还会唱福建歌　

不会唱, 会听

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-18 19:43:45 Post subject:

左岸 wrote:

语境不错，很有些情绪化

谢谢左岸, 这首诗歌的确沉淀不够.

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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