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忆江南·乡村夏日记游(新韵)
钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-21 17:43:37    Post subject: 忆江南·乡村夏日记游(新韵) Reply with quote

烟霾诡,
满目溢葱葱。
青瓦红墙欢美水,
彩花绿树乐妆穹,
乡野觅云踪。

心肠热,
宾主共飞盅。
玄语悠悠藏世理,
清言落落隐机锋,
逸趣随飞鸿。

08年7月
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欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮

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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-21 22:06:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

欢愉洒脱。
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戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-22 04:05:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

平仄不對,貼詞譜給你做參考:

江南蝶
○○●
斜日一双双
○●●○○
身似何郎曾傅粉
○●○○○●●
心如韩寿爱偷香
○○○●●○○
天赋与轻狂  
○●●○○

微雨过
○●●
薄翅腻烟光
●●●○○
才伴游蜂来小苑
○●○○○●●
又随飞絮过东墙
●○○●●○○
长是为花忙
○●●○○
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钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
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PostPosted: 2008-08-23 16:37:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="莹雪"]欢愉洒脱。[/quote]
谢谢莹雪知音!
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欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮

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钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-23 16:40:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

答戴珏。
我用的是龙榆生的《唐宋词格律》。与你的稍有不同。
问候远握朋友!
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欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮

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野航
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Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Location: toronto
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PostPosted: 2008-08-25 15:00:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

心肠热,
宾主共飞盅。
玄语悠悠藏世理,
清言落落隐机锋,
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回归自然 回归心灵 回归传统
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钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-26 02:35:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="野航"]心肠热,
宾主共飞盅。
玄语悠悠藏世理,
清言落落隐机锋,[/quote]

谢谢野航朋友抬爱!
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戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-08-27 01:10:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

钓月 wrote:
我用的是龙榆生的《唐宋词格律》。与你的稍有不同。
...

"逸趣随飞鸿。 "三平調,不知龍榆生“憶江南”譜子裏那句有?
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钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: 2008-09-04 01:44:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

戴师精细远握问好
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钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
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PostPosted: 2008-09-04 01:45:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

请各位出招看如何修改
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