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紫端砚 (仿青花瓷)
红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
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红袖添乱Collection
PostPosted: 2008-09-01 15:59:08    Post subject: 紫端砚 (仿青花瓷) Reply with quote




紫端砚 By 红袖添乱


檀木熏染的端溪岩乍寒还暖,帘櫳紧敛的轩窗又飘伊墨香。
剪剪西风斩落花前缘我痛断,孤灯下呵手奈何五更天。
石眼冷观笔中情未竟的诗行,而伊嘘唏的醉唱牵百转愁肠。
伊的词彳亍在我不来他也不来的梦乡。

紫烟心惜毫墨而我更怜伊,挥毫恋恋行云纵横了半壁。
御风下端溪寻飞鹤的仙踪,只为搏伊一笑的旖旎。

紫烟心惜毫墨而我更怜伊,举剑迸裂冰纹里石的传奇。
玄秘的紫端砚灵与灵的交缠,爱不着痕迹。

通雕线刻的松鹤翩跹驾紫气,浸墨润石间沉吟想昨日的伊。
伊发垂岸边笑里凝聚着深意,如花的图腾浸透我心底。
溪水穿峡过重岩叠翠锁烟雨,而我只用微痛的眼神锁了伊。
在前生今世的魔咒里伊望隔岸的菩提。

紫烟心惜毫墨而我更怜伊,挥毫恋恋行云纵横了半壁。
御风下端溪寻飞鹤的仙踪,只为搏伊一笑的旖旎。

紫烟心惜毫墨而我更怜伊,举剑迸裂冰纹里石的传奇。
玄秘的紫端砚灵与灵的交缠,爱不着痕迹。



原词:青花瓷

素胚勾勒出青花笔锋浓转淡, 瓶身描绘的牡丹一如你初妆。
冉冉檀香透过窗心事我了然, 宣纸上走笔至此搁一半。
釉色渲染仕女图韵味被私藏, 而你嫣然的一笑如含苞待放。
你的美一缕飘散去到我去不了的地方。

天青色等烟雨而我在等你,炊烟袅袅升起隔江千万里。
在瓶底书汉隶仿前朝的飘逸,就当我为遇见你伏笔。

天青色等烟雨而我在等你,月色被打捞起晕开了结局。
如传世的青花瓷自顾自美丽,你眼带笑意。

色白花青的锦鲤跃然於碗底, 临摹宋体落款时却惦记著你。
你隐藏在窑烧里千年的秘密, 极细腻犹如绣花针落地。
帘外芭蕉惹骤雨门环惹铜绿, 而我路过那江南小镇惹了你。
在泼墨山水画里你从墨色深处被隐去。

天青色等烟雨而我在等你,炊烟袅袅升起隔江千万里。
在瓶底书汉隶仿前朝的飘逸,就当我为遇见你伏笔。

天青色等烟雨而我在等你,月色被打捞起晕开了结局。
如传世的青花瓷自顾自美丽,你眼带笑意。
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詩盜喜裸評
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PostPosted: 2008-09-01 16:30:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

你這是對曲的,悠子的不是。但異曲同工之不妙!
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红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
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红袖添乱Collection
PostPosted: 2008-09-01 19:01:58    Post subject: ;))抗议哈,为什么不妙? Reply with quote

挺费神的哪~~~
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曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: 2008-09-01 22:12:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读大作
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詩盜喜裸評
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詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-09-02 00:31:27    Post subject: 辛苦哪!这首作品原本就匠气大过于新意。。。 Reply with quote

紅袖添亂 wrote:
挺費神的哪~~~


红袖耶~不但对曲!还对字!!这首作品原本就匠气大过于新意,但不得不承认它匠心独运。临摹这种作品要么能出其右,要么能青于蓝。以这首作品为例,若能做到减其匠气,即超越之。而悠子看似没有对曲,但却承袭、扩大其匠气,或可视作黑色幽默。

这首作品的曲调亦未臻成熟,得以流传靠既有资源多些。于其,减字对曲似乎是可以尝试的方向,或能收曲、词一并修饰之效。综其以上,工多且繁,不如填首格律实际。
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苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-09-02 08:19:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

嗯,我看了龙诗兄的点评,再来看诗盗说的,才觉得他没怎么欺负我们女生。。:)

不过,要给袖子,悠子各一枚金镶玉,,能写出来,去尝试写,就很不错了。我学习着。也给诗盗一盘花生米,他通音律和格律,敢直言瞎掰的,哈哈,,,

看来的确不好写阿。。。你们都是牛人。。。。恩,都是牛人。
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悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: 2008-09-02 11:00:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

匠心独运 (ZT)
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拈花微笑
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PostPosted: 2008-09-02 11:55:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

俺来一坛卢州老窖。读一节,喝一碗... Smile
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瞠目结舌
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点点儿
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PostPosted: 2008-09-02 13:39:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

这么长偶都没有心思读完, 但是,顶顶顶耐心写作。。。。嘻


Razz Very Happy
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詩盜喜裸評
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詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-09-02 16:11:02    Post subject: 自由创作有时候反而不好下断语,而这形式比较基础很多。 Reply with quote

蘇茉兒 wrote:
嗯,我看了龍詩兄的點評,再來看詩盜說的,才覺得他沒怎麼欺負我們女生。。:)
...

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詩盜喜裸評
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Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-09-03 06:30:30    Post subject: 没耐心的顶有耐心的,我也耐一下。 Reply with quote

點點兒 wrote:
這麼長偶都沒有心思讀完, 但是,頂頂頂耐心寫作。。。。嘻


Razz Very Happy

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曲元奇
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PostPosted: 2008-09-03 21:14:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

是有份量的力作
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红袖添乱
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PostPosted: 2008-09-04 05:41:16    Post subject: 对顶我耐心的我都感激涕零。 Reply with quote

曲元奇 wrote:
是有份量的力作



谢曲兄。

对顶我耐心的我都感激涕零。真有点费力。其实可能形式不可取,但是是个很好的练习。甚至做的时候觉得很有趣。
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红袖添乱
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PostPosted: 2008-09-04 05:43:46    Post subject: 茉儿,这工程是大了,但不知怎么,过程甚有趣。 Reply with quote

不知道为什么,你也有时玩个小的。挺好玩的。
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红袖添乱
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PostPosted: 2008-09-04 05:45:38    Post subject: 我给您倒酒! Reply with quote

:) Razz
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