Maple Review :: View topic - <<小城镇>> <<美丽女人>> 欢迎批评指正

	Chinese Literature Society of North America \| Maple Review \| Immigrants in Canada \| Angel Studio \| The Driftwood Artist Society \| Ocean of Poetry \| Island of Music "HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
	FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register Profile Log in to check your private messages Sign in Blogs Weblogs News Album



Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

<<小城镇>> <<美丽女人>> 欢迎批评指正

1[2] Next

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2008-03-18 16:36:49 Post subject: <<小城镇>> <<美丽女人>> 欢迎批评指正

小城镇小城镇像一只沉睡的母兽在春风里发出呜呜的鼾声月光下的小城镇生下我美丽的母亲然后生下我小城镇像年迈的外婆在春天的夜里发出沙哑的喘息而我们全然忽略了这些依然在风中的月光下玩耍早已忘记了过去的冬天北风里那猫眼中闪闪的泪光那鼾声、那喘息将成长为我晚年的回忆老式建筑挂满发白的蓬草像胡须、像退休后老眼昏花的镇长半睁着怪怪的眼睛看着我们我们的童年，已完全被这只母兽咽进喉咙那条狭窄、泥泞深深的巷子美丽女人她们年轻受苦受难然而美丽生我的生母她没有家养我的养母她没有奶喂我的山羊她不会说话认一株茂盛的马莲做植物妈妈她清晨只有晶莹的泪花两个人、一个动物、一株植物我有四个美丽妈妈还有众多的姐妹他们都非常漂亮童年美丽是一种物美价廉的甜点我偷偷品尝贫穷而快乐地成长２００８年３月１７日于吉林省四平市郭家店镇 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

Holybolt
秀才

Joined: 27 Feb 2008
Posts: 110
Location: China
HolyboltCollection

Posted: 2008-03-18 17:18:05 Post subject:

写得真好！稳健而平实的语言，寓意深长握手^_^ _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/liuyuechen8

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2008-03-18 17:51:34 Post subject:

谢谢Holybolt 请提建议。握手！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

笑后
秀才

Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 136
Location: From nanjing
笑后Collection

Posted: 2008-03-18 18:02:44 Post subject:

欣赏和学习，问好韩少君。 _________________ 廖蕙琳以写悼亡诗而自成一家，一意孤行！

回到拉萨
秀才

Joined: 07 Feb 2008
Posts: 131

回到拉萨Collection

Posted: 2008-03-18 18:10:56 Post subject:

来读老师好诗。拉萨问好。 _________________ 点击进入回到拉萨的火车

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-03-18 19:21:48 Post subject:

少君, 久不读你的诗歌了, 很有内涵的两首, 喜欢. 鸡蛋里挑骨头, 建议这句稍改, "年迈", "老"略显重复了, 己见, 不妥见谅. 溜了小城镇像年迈的老妇

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2008-03-19 04:50:23 Post subject:

淳朴，拜读少君诗人作品

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-03-19 06:40:57 Post subject:

少君的诗歌有他自己的特色，一看就知道是他的，好诗歌欣赏，呵呵，问好～

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2008-03-19 16:55:04 Post subject:

喜欢《美丽女人》虽然，描写了苦难，但是，不乏“俏皮”的感觉，因此，有“油然轻松，渐渐解脱”的过程。《小城镇》 “题材”太老，没有新鲜感。

鹿向亮
童生

Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Posts: 36
Location: 燕赵故里
鹿向亮Collection

Posted: 2008-03-19 22:05:43 Post subject:

欣赏问好,更喜欢美丽女人! _________________ 通联:(065202)京东燕郊开发区高楼镇北京经济技术职业学院鹿向亮 http://blog.sina.com.cn/luxiangliang

遛达的七七
秀才

Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection

Posted: 2008-03-20 18:40:41 Post subject: 回复

少君好！情绪的诗，来读

蓝花伞
童生

Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 40

蓝花伞Collection

Posted: 2008-03-20 18:59:11 Post subject: 仿佛时光落叶下的一根柔弦被牵响,余韵袅袅!

仿佛时光落叶下的一根柔弦被牵响,余韵袅袅! 那个曾经的家园和童年… 那些温暖那些淡淡涩和甜… 认马莲做妈妈清晨带着晶莹的泪花!

曲元奇
秀才

Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection

Posted: 2008-03-20 19:04:09 Post subject:

小城镇好沧桑现代

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2008-03-21 03:56:17 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight 说的准确。我犯了语法错误。接受，马上改！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

莞君
秀才

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2008-03-21 04:00:42 Post subject:

纯熟的语言朴实而有力沉稳见功底问好老师 _________________ 莞君

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-03-22 09:58:46 Post subject:

童北美枫年美丽是一种物美价廉的甜点来我偷偷品尝贫穷而快乐地成长 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

下一个偶像是野兽
秀才

Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection

Posted: 2008-03-22 10:50:57 Post subject:

真情实感是真诗。问好。 _________________ 我的博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1251343504

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2008-03-22 14:41:01 Post subject:

提一下！祝少君诗人快乐！！！！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2008-03-24 05:26:46 Post subject:

谢各位赏读！请多批评。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

陈亚伟
童生

Joined: 24 Aug 2007
Posts: 38

陈亚伟Collection

Posted: 2008-03-24 07:03:02 Post subject:

有一种很久远的感觉！读着感觉很好！问好老师！

Display posts from previous:

Emoticons





View more Emoticons

1[2] Next Page 1 of 2 View previous topic View next topic

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME