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炊烟
东江湖主
秀才


Joined: 10 Aug 2008
Posts: 115

东江湖主Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-16 17:19:26    Post subject: 炊烟 Reply with quote
藏在大山之中的尘世
在愈加难觅的真实里
添一把柴
熏黑了脸

无论人还是时光
离不开这一顿
袅袅升起的烟
从清晨到日落
说淡它就淡，说浓它就浓


北方不知道
南方，在一个僻静村落里
怎能
不食人间烟火
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-17 05:02:45    Post subject: Reply with quote
喜欢结尾.
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-18 16:38:18    Post subject: Reply with quote
欣赏.
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小枪
童生


Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 35
Location: 北京
小枪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-18 16:40:01    Post subject: Reply with quote
开头和结尾都不错，中间或可修改。
_________________
http://www.fyrclub.com
翻译人俱乐部论坛欢迎您。
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东江湖主
秀才


Joined: 10 Aug 2008
Posts: 115

东江湖主Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-18 22:55:48    Post subject: Reply with quote
赵福治 wrote:
喜欢结尾.

谢读，问好！
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东江湖主
秀才


Joined: 10 Aug 2008
Posts: 115

东江湖主Collection
PostPosted: 2008-08-18 22:57:02    Post subject: Reply with quote
小枪 wrote:
开头和结尾都不错，中间或可修改。

感谢评点，问好小枪！
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