东江湖主 秀才
Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 115
东江湖主Collection |
Posted: 2008-08-16 17:19:26 Post subject: 炊烟 |
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藏在大山之中的尘世
在愈加难觅的真实里
添一把柴
熏黑了脸
无论人还是时光
离不开这一顿
袅袅升起的烟
从清晨到日落
说淡它就淡,说浓它就浓
北方不知道
南方,在一个僻静村落里
怎能
不食人间烟火 |
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赵福治 探花

Joined: 30 May 2006 Posts: 3456 Location: 中国北京 赵福治Collection |
Posted: 2008-08-17 05:02:45 Post subject: |
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喜欢结尾. |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2008-08-18 16:38:18 Post subject: |
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欣赏. |
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小枪 童生
Joined: 08 Jan 2007 Posts: 35 Location: 北京 小枪Collection |
Posted: 2008-08-18 16:40:01 Post subject: |
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开头和结尾都不错,中间或可修改。 _________________ http://www.fyrclub.com
翻译人俱乐部论坛欢迎您。 |
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东江湖主 秀才
Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 115
东江湖主Collection |
Posted: 2008-08-18 22:55:48 Post subject: |
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谢读,问好! |
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东江湖主 秀才
Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 115
东江湖主Collection |
Posted: 2008-08-18 22:57:02 Post subject: |
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小枪 wrote: |
开头和结尾都不错,中间或可修改。 |
感谢评点,问好小枪! |
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