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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

[原创]《我抬头》请大家批

李宏
童生

Joined: 04 Apr 2008
Posts: 70
Location: 贵州
李宏Collection

Posted: 2008-07-23 17:22:44 Post subject: [原创]《我抬头》请大家批

我抬头＿＿李宏我总是爱抬头看望高于我视线的事物渐渐的在我的额头印下了岁月的沧桑是你发现了我沧桑的痕迹是你提醒我看事物要与自己的眼睛垂直今夜我抬头看到了你满脸的笑容在我的脑海里写下永恒的记忆我清楚的记得答应过你和你一起抬头回味苏醒的味道就在今天夜里我抬头 2008.6.25 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/fandijki08

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-07-23 18:14:22 Post subject:

看事物要与自己的眼睛垂直

司马策风
举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection

Posted: 2008-07-23 20:35:06 Post subject:

写作角度有点新意.不知是表达的词语还是认识的偏差, 写出了这句"看事物要与自己的眼睛垂直"值得重新考虑的句子. 问好 _________________ 《北美枫》司马策风文集 http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

李宏
童生

Joined: 04 Apr 2008
Posts: 70
Location: 贵州
李宏Collection

Posted: 2008-07-23 20:46:10 Post subject:

感谢司马，值得斟酌。问好！！ _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/fandijki08

沙漠
秀才

Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection

Posted: 2008-07-25 01:12:02 Post subject:

垂直改平行吧.我教学生读量筒的读数,就这么说) _________________ 个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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