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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

青石

黄种酷
童生

Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Posts: 13

黄种酷Collection

Posted: 2008-07-09 02:26:35 Post subject: 青石

假如我是一名女子我一定会被你厚实的胸膛所迷醉假如我是一方热土我一定会被你刚强的气质所吸引假如我是一座建筑我一定会被你独特的魅力所震撼我想我一定是被你的优雅和内涵所折服坚强不屈的意志如同你那刚强的躯体不是风雨所能够摧残和打击的就算是用来雕琢和打磨你也要以一身的完美出现在人生的起点上敲击出生活的最强音那青色的有如青黛的美玉镶嵌在灵魂之上纯洁和那深不可测的深邃是我们静默沉思和反思的原野做男子就要像你一样做一名堂堂正正的男子青石是我生命中的基石你已然在我的人生中构筑起了宏伟的建筑通联： 362331 福建省南安市洪濑东溪开发区帮登工业园　黄种酷

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-07-09 14:33:43 Post subject:

立意好，说的也错～感觉有点散文化了！

赵福治
探花

Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection

Posted: 2008-07-09 17:39:49 Post subject:

提炼些效果更好。

黄种酷
童生

Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Posts: 13

黄种酷Collection

Posted: 2008-07-09 23:33:20 Post subject:

谢谢半溪明月和赵老师点评

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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