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蚕食
拈花微笑
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Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 311

拈花微笑Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-26 10:12:38    Post subject: 蚕食 Reply with quote

玩具缺席的少年日子
我养蚕自娱。那些

白白胖胖的蚕宝宝们
沿着那又绿又嫩的桑叶边缘

一路吃过去。而我立在一旁
边揉着盗叶时摔痛的足锞

边见证老师教的"蚕食"一词
那些暮春的夜晚啊

沙沙沙的蚕食声不绝于耳


如今,又是暮春时节
在俄亥俄河边,我看见

阳光里自己的影子
飘动着,弯弯的

带有些许微笑的形状
老天,我多像一片

被时间之蚕吃剩的残叶!
只不过,我是一片会思想的

行走于大地的桑叶
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-26 14:18:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

行云流水,好作品。
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悠子
举人


Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-26 15:14:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

一片会写诗的桑叶,是蚕教的么?Smile
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红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-26 18:14:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

沙沙沙~~沙沙沙~~沙沙沙~~
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梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视,
而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。
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曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-26 19:48:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

好诗 好诗 诗盗兄【行云流水】
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拈花微笑
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Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Posts: 311

拈花微笑Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-30 15:11:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢诸位阅读点评
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苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection
PostPosted: 2008-07-01 15:52:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

好!
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默默无言处,盈盈一笑间。
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点点儿
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 413
Location: 眇小的地球
点点儿Collection
PostPosted: 2008-07-01 16:44:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

隐身贴呀,今儿个才见~

好看!
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2008-07-01 19:47:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

同意上面。平铺之后的启发,达诗境。
对于影子的描绘,写出了新方向。
如果影子为蚕我为叶,蚕食为影蚀呢。
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(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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