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余生(写给我的爱人!)
风的声音
童生


Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 64

风的声音Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-13 13:29:55    Post subject: 余生(写给我的爱人!) Reply with quote

一.

漫步在晨风里
牵着你的手,我的爱人
从年轻朝气到鬓角生白
从甜蜜缠绵到相濡以沫

我们要看每一次的日出
在那温和的光环里
爱 焕发着青春

二.

秋日被枫夜染红了
这世界变得灿烂
我们踏着红色,进入另一个红色
瞬间,红色包围了你我
像步入了结婚的礼堂,火样的温暖

走着,你在我耳边轻轻说:
“明年,我们还来好么?”
我转头,看着你的眸子,回答:
“以后,每年我都会陪你来一次
你记住,这是我的承诺”

三.

夕阳下,我们的身影相偎
余晖把岁月拉长了

眼望天际
一抹一抹的红霞
如霾般浮上来

我们微笑地望着
它们也微笑地回望
以后的日子里
这,会成为习惯

四.

月光如轻纱一样
拂着面庞
星光若绵绵细雨
夜风更像是仙女的柔荑

我们要在这月下共舞
共舞在每一个如诗的夜
悠扬的节奏
诠释着柔美,温馨
在心间不住流淌

五.

夜了,晚安
看着你睡去的样子
爱人呵!我的心里洋溢着幸福
你的样子,仿佛永远停留在
我见你的第一面

永远那么美丽,温柔,大方
我愿意这么看着
永不言倦
在以后的每一个夜晚
我都会把你陪伴

通联:河北省石家庄市深泽县医药药材公司 陈翠玲 转 彭亚龙(收)
邮编;052560 QQ381635035 邮箱yifeng728@sina.com
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司马策风
举人


Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-13 16:26:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

优美,抒情味浓.

只是,语言缺乏提炼,诗思不够跳跃,故而诗味清浅.

基础不错.加油啊!

问候!
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风的声音
童生


Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 64

风的声音Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-23 04:27:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢指点,问好!
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秦城诗客
童生


Joined: 08 Jun 2008
Posts: 32

秦城诗客Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-23 05:46:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好我的朋友啊.
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