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新芽
wq0066
秀才


Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 126
Location: 中国重庆
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PostPosted: 2008-06-17 03:39:50    Post subject: 新芽 Reply with quote

清晨,漫步在乡间小道,那被寒冬侵袭的大地上,蓦然间,一点绿窜入视线,哦,那是一片新芽.



我不知道它从那里来,只知道它的出现,让人充满神奇的力量,与大自然抗争的力量,给人增添遭遇磨难,毫不气馁的决心和勇气.



当新芽点缀美丽的校园,装扮公园的花坛,树丛,出现在大地的每一个角落,我感到一种莫名的美,一种与大自然和谐的美.这不仅仅是因为"新芽"这富有诗意的名,而是因为在这片新绿中蕴涵着优美的韵律并深深感染着每一个热爱生活的人们.



也许你曾有过烦恼,忧愁,痛苦,哀伤;也许你曾有过欢乐,喜悦,希冀,憧憬.走近它,敞开心屝迎接它,它将展示一切生活中的亮点,心灵中的企盼......你会在其间体味到人生的欢乐......
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天边云一朵 苍海粟一粒 云儿朵朵随风飘 粟儿粒粒满山崖
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-17 12:16:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

新芽,焕发了生机!用短小的篇幅妆点一下心情也是很不错的。
但如果再加一番烘托渲染,效果可能会更好!

另告,你敲错了一个字:"敞开心屝"的"屝"
屝fèi:古人称用草、麻、皮革做的鞋。
扉fēi:(形声。从户,非声。从“户”表示与门户有关。本义:门扇) 扉,户扇也。——《说文》
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吟啸徐行
举人


Joined: 03 May 2008
Posts: 1336
Location: 中国安徽
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PostPosted: 2008-06-17 22:56:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

那一片新芽,是该为歌唱的,哪怕吟几声也是心情的表达.
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彰显自我爱好,弘扬民族文化,追求诗意生活.
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
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PostPosted: 2008-06-19 03:38:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

描写再细腻些,不妨多点写实,比如新芽到底怎样呢?
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wq0066
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 126
Location: 中国重庆
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PostPosted: 2008-06-19 03:45:22    Post subject: 回复 Reply with quote

[quote="冰清"]新芽,焕发了生机!用短小的篇幅妆点一下心情也是很不错的。
...[/quote]
谢谢冰清点评!不好意思哦,写了一个错别字......欢迎赐教!
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wq0066
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 126
Location: 中国重庆
wq0066Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-19 03:46:35    Post subject: 回复 Reply with quote

[quote="吟啸徐行"]那一片新芽,是该为歌唱的,哪怕吟几声也是心情的表达.[/quote]
嗯!谢谢点评!欢迎朋友!
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wq0066
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 126
Location: 中国重庆
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PostPosted: 2008-06-19 03:50:29    Post subject: 回复 Reply with quote

[quote="荷梦"]描写再细腻些,不妨多点写实,比如新芽到底怎样呢?[/quote]
哦!写实;新芽的动态美和静态美......

谢谢荷梦的点拨!问好!
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