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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

<<屋檐上的一堆草>>组诗请批问好大家

莞君
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-26 10:38:50 Post subject: <<屋檐上的一堆草>>组诗请批问好大家

喊亮星星夜深了模糊了返回的路远去的屋檐村庄此刻躲在我的记忆若隐若现一段回家的路究竟走多远才能抵达一颗星星都能照亮的村庄记得幼年我怕天黑奶奶说那你就喊头上的星星啊只要它醒着就能把你照亮我喊呀喊呀一下喊过了童年这时不再害怕突然自己长大了现在我在异乡今夜又一次迷失奶奶我看不见头上的星星奶奶我还想再喊几声只要你听见星星就会出来不用多说也会再亮一次只是你已去世多年村庄依然还在远方屋檐上的一堆草走远了回头看看村庄屋檐上的一堆草在风中倾斜的方向和娘的站姿何其相似那一年家乡的妹妹远走他乡娘在屋檐下目送她消失的背影久久不能转移离开直到一条路延伸村庄之外上路的妹妹随风突然远去我看见娘的一滴泪悄然下落击中在干草堆留下一点潮湿我感到了一丝的凉欲言又止多年以后我外出上学离开一个叫大梁山的村庄在梦里被风一次次叫着我在荒草的地头含泪看着最后的一丝夕阳下落佛过屋檐上的一堆草和娘的发丝在微微摆动突然我觉得那一点的光亮对我荒凉的一生显得多么珍贵家在大梁山起风了把门关上下雨了多抱些柴禾干旱时要给菜园浇水庄稼长高了要记得培土上肥锄草更不能让风吹倒麦子黄了得即时收割天黑了就早点回家一天少吃一顿饭也没忘了给家畜按时喂食上草日子再忙也得挺过闲是闲不下的一棵草都能耗尽人的一生一茬庄稼也能温暖人的一世地址 716000陕西省延安市延安大学鲁迅艺术学院美05级1班王万军 _________________ 莞君

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2007-12-26 11:05:37 Post subject:

很有生活气息. 问好节日.

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-12-26 16:05:02 Post subject:

不错的诗歌问好

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-12-26 16:20:35 Post subject:

一茬庄稼/也能温暖人的一世~真挚,淳朴的诗句,更能打动人心,欣赏!问好

古井
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Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 190

古井Collection

Posted: 2007-12-27 00:42:41 Post subject:

05级1班王万军呵呵，同龄人哈，我05级3班

莞君
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-27 15:45:38 Post subject: 感谢欣赏问好您

白水 Moonlight wrote:

很有生活气息.

问好节日.

_________________
莞君

莞君
秀才

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-27 15:46:12 Post subject: 感谢欣赏问好

迪拜 wrote:

不错的诗歌

问好

_________________
莞君

莞君
秀才

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-27 15:46:49 Post subject: 问好姐姐多批

半溪明月 wrote:

一茬庄稼/也能温暖人的一世~真挚,淳朴的诗句,更能打动人心,欣赏!问好

_________________
莞君

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-12-28 04:57:11 Post subject:

问好莞君！情真意厚，生活气息浓。但我觉得不要写得太满，留一些空间给读者以再想象的乐趣，供参考。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-12-28 10:35:55 Post subject:

朴素诚挚。问好 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

莞君
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-30 19:48:13 Post subject: 宝贵的意见莞君收下问好您感谢多批

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

问好莞君！

情真意厚，生活气息浓。

但我觉得不要写得太满，留一些空间给读者以再想象的乐趣，供参考。

_________________
莞君

鬼鬼
童生

Joined: 28 Dec 2007
Posts: 4

鬼鬼Collection

Posted: 2007-12-31 00:49:31 Post subject: 好感动

写出了每个从乡下走出的人都有的感觉

鬼鬼
童生

Joined: 28 Dec 2007
Posts: 4

鬼鬼Collection

Posted: 2007-12-31 00:57:47 Post subject:

感动

莞君
秀才

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2008-01-01 15:50:50 Post subject:

感谢欣赏问好您多批 _________________ 莞君

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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