讨教，这首译诗总象不对劲

[jemmy]

某个傍晚
黄娟
打那个人两拳
打在太阳上
趄趔的太阳
便迸出美丽的花
明亮，绚丽，夺目

感觉心中有彩霞满天
Some day toward evening

Hit the man two blows
as if hit the Sun
He leaned sideways
Shining with boundless radiance suddenly
bright,gorgeous and beautiful

In her heart
She felt there were rosy clouds all over the sky
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http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

[William Zhou周道模]

最后一句如从英语译成汉语，似乎是：她心里感觉到漫天是霞彩。

试译：She felt the skyey rosy clouds filling in her own heart
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模