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冰河之上
张瑞
童生


Joined: 27 Oct 2006
Posts: 5

张瑞Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-16 22:05:47    Post subject: 冰河之上 Reply with quote

缓缓的,是我踏寻春天的足迹
在风里接近冰河
沿堤岸延伸的影子
一些被落叶覆盖
一些沉入游鱼的眼睛

此刻,我不怀恋那柔情似水
也不渴望浮萍一样的偶遇
我孤单地,寂寞地行走
背过人们话语里葱郁的夏季

没有什么比这更单薄
凝滞的河流之上
没有一朵费心雕刻的花朵
可以虚掩季节敞开的柴门

我走过,不过是从一片空白
到另一片空白
那些的柳条丝丝垂下
丈量着这个冬季的阳光
如我在岸和岸之间
一边是记忆,一边是春天
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和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-16 22:13:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

单薄的河流之上的行走
多了一种苍凉的感觉
一切都在走过, 好比空白

语言节奏的把握很不错的
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写诗是为了写更好的诗
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蓝桥
秀才


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 105

蓝桥Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-17 03:44:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

有几句比较出彩!不过还有凝练的空间!
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左岸
秀才


Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-19 19:31:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

那些的柳条丝丝垂下
丈量着这个冬季的阳光
如我在岸和岸之间
一边是记忆,一边是春天
语感流畅,在拥有与失落间的微妙感叹,问好。
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黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河
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