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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

忆江南 <赞园丁> 新韵

夜雨
童生

Joined: 13 May 2008
Posts: 18
Location: 吉林松原
夜雨Collection

Posted: 2008-05-16 13:42:06 Post subject: 忆江南 <赞园丁> 新韵

教人子, 心地最忠诚树木十年千日苦, 人才大计百年功。总赖好园丁. 注：（汶川地震中老师用生命为孩子开道有感） _________________ 夜雨

松云老人
秀才

Joined: 11 Apr 2008
Posts: 376
Location: 中国
松云老人Collection

Posted: 2008-05-16 16:02:03 Post subject:

内容不错！坦字出律；懒字是赖字之误；功字按平水韵失押，按新韵可，若用新韵最好在题目后注明（新韵），便于读者欣赏。

夜雨
童生

Joined: 13 May 2008
Posts: 18
Location: 吉林松原
夜雨Collection

Posted: 2008-05-16 19:30:31 Post subject:

谢谢（松云老人）指导 _________________ 夜雨

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

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