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泉落无痕
白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-08 10:33:11    Post subject: 泉落无痕 Reply with quote

泉落无痕

找不到那双鞋子
那双用芨芨草编织的鞋子
瑶琴摔碎的时候
樵夫早已走的很远了
没人知道到哪儿能割一束芨芨草
你只好赤脚
踏上荆棘的归途

就这么走了?
零乱的乌发系着绷断的弦
你在朦胧的雨中
举步踌躇

琴声越来越远了
就象风
推着云儿
斧头还在砍么,
山谷是否还在回荡古树的年轮?
我把最后一颗石头
扔进水里
随你的声波弥蔓
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和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-08 16:54:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

就象风
推着云儿

这句看似简单
却惟妙惟肖
喜欢

总体来说, 用词上可以大胆一些
陡峭一些
Very Happy
_________________
写诗是为了写更好的诗
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-08 16:58:34    Post subject: 还好 Reply with quote

风格到最后,越来越平淡了

起诗很好.
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-08 20:15:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

和平岛 wrote:
就象风
推着云儿

这句看似简单
却惟妙惟肖
喜欢

总体来说, 用词上可以大胆一些
陡峭一些
Very Happy

THANKS, I WILL TRY
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-08 20:16:45    Post subject: Re: 还好 Reply with quote

迪拜 wrote:
风格到最后,越来越平淡了

起诗很好.


谢谢你. 象不象一首渐渐远去的歌....... Wink
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墨染红颜
童生


Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 69

墨染红颜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-09 03:47:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

那波纹,渐渐消失,痕迹印下了。学习:))
_________________
风花飞有态,烟絮坠无痕。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-11 07:57:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="墨染红颜"]那波纹,渐渐消失,痕迹印下了。学习:))[/quote]

谢谢鼓励. 欢迎多批评, 交流. 问好
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维鹿延
秀才


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-12 07:48:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

不停地写,就有收获。
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散步者身体里面的声音
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-12 19:08:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="维鹿延"]不停地写,就有收获。[/quote]

谢谢
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