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【青玉案】: 荷包绣
苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-04-22 17:30:10    Post subject: 【青玉案】: 荷包绣 Reply with quote

【青玉案】: 荷包绣 by 苏茉儿

流岚袅袅迎山渡,
抱流水、风弹曲。
点点轻舟逍遥去。
岸堤斜柳,
浮波鸥鹭,
眼底春浓处。

飞针、走线、荷包绣,
不倦幽幽指尖语。
叩问此情君解否?
花开花落,
几回寒暑,
只是相思苦。


【青玉案】 青春的漂泊 by 是有缘

青山隐隐重重度,
白云不知归路。
四海漂零身处处。
蓦然行止,
远方钟鼓,
入耳声声数。

夜凉如水心如故,
月也痴情透窗户。
惊起回头人已去。
梦还依旧,
忆来辛苦,
又把春宵负。



【青玉案】缘 by 紫色王家

飘飘然子之襟度!
玉树也、临风伫,
我亦翩翩能起舞。
低眉顺眼,
晨烟暮鼓,
款款来无数。

问天设造奇缘否?
无悔随君把身误,
不问心儿飘絮絮。
前生之泪,
此生之雨,
总有卿卿顾。



【青玉案】奥运火炬 by 渭原

东风携我环球渡,
送友爱、传和睦。
过海漂洋歌处处。
轻车中亚,
艰行欧陆,
半道劫无数。

金门桥下浊流堵,
藩市城头战旗酷。
南美非洲呵护。
中东招手,
亚西侧目,
喜看回家路。



【青玉案】 落花飞絮 by Eragon

夜长无寐观星度。
正春暮,闲凝伫。
细听流光清影舞。
落花声碎,
铿然钟鼓,
似有愁无数。

红英犹恋春浓否?
宁葬痴情不相误!
可笑年年飞柳絮。
千丝难系,
飘摇风雨,
才把垂杨顾。



【青玉案】 痴 by 墨瑞

偶成半阙愁姗度
暖清酒、人独伫。
何处暗香风乱舞。
似调红筝,
似调令鼓,
应有欢无数。

良宵为字伶仃否?
别样深情怎耽误。
纵使奇思如短絮。
诗心犹见,
半江烟雨,
曾把春来顾。



【青玉案】 春暮 by xli426

人生有酒须无度,
且把盏,登临处。
看尽夕阳云共舞。
钟声迢递,
悠鸣萧鼓,
河汉星无数。

还乡衣锦成与否?
万户封候不堪误。
却做轻轻扬柳絮。
醉中犹见,
薰风暮雨,
春又迟迟顾。



【青玉案】 by 洞庭子

夜来快雪盈盈度,
正把酒、凭轩伫。
袅袅惊他灯下舞。
也无疏筝,
也无急鼓,
只有花无数。

还谁共此清玩否?
独我迟眠未轻误。
去也明朝无一絮。
千家唯见,
满城风雨,
不解卿曾顾。
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苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-04-22 17:33:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

茉儿那个听有缘兄的遥字出律,改成"逐细浪"不知可否好些,请有缘兄给看看。

下片的"春归春去"紫紫说扣得太紧,我改成"花开花落"是不是好些呢。先这样。

有更好的意见,我再改!
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詩盜喜裸評
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PostPosted: 2008-04-22 18:00:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

好多案哪!逐:仄声。这度字不好用呢。
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曲元奇
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PostPosted: 2008-04-22 19:53:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

我只有漫漫细读
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是有缘
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PostPosted: 2008-04-22 22:05:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

除盗盗说的逐外,浪好象也出了韵。再想想。
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红袖添乱
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PostPosted: 2008-04-23 08:06:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

嗯。慢慢来~~
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苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-04-23 08:45:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

还是先"逍遥去"吧。想好了再改,顺便加上了有缘兄的那个。
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苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-04-23 08:49:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
好多案哪!逐:仄声。这度字不好用呢。


诗盗,你已经很久没写七律、五律啥的啦。也已经很久没去城里看我们了,你就去看看我们吧。真的很想你嘛。很想读你得旧体诗,你得活动一下脑子啦,不然就锈啦。诗盗。。。
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PostPosted: 2008-04-23 08:49:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

曲元奇 wrote:
我只有漫漫细读


谢谢曲兄赏读!
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苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-04-23 08:50:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

是有缘 wrote:
除盗盗说的逐外,浪好象也出了韵。再想想。


有缘兄帮我想想吧,我头都大了,嘿嘿!
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苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-04-23 08:51:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

红袖添乱 wrote:
嗯。慢慢来~~


嗯,听袖姐的准没错。嗯,咱俩把诗盗架着去城里转转吧,要不他都老年那个了。
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是有缘
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PostPosted: 2008-04-23 15:58:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

苏茉儿 wrote:
是有缘 wrote:
除盗盗说的逐外,浪好象也出了韵。再想想。


有缘兄帮我想想吧,我头都大了,嘿嘿!


不会吧。我想可以来个:“遥远去”、“怀远去”、“心远去”什么的。还是你看着办。
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苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-04-23 16:52:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

噢,这些都不够帅,觉着,好吧,我再细心琢磨琢磨。
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PostPosted: 2008-04-24 14:48:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

茉儿这个真的漂亮。出绿就出吧~
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PostPosted: 2008-04-25 21:00:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

今天又细读大作 仔细推敲
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苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-04-26 17:53:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

曲元奇 wrote:
今天又细读大作 仔细推敲


不知曲兄推敲出了什么??茉儿等听宝贵意见RazzP
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苏茉儿
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PostPosted: 2008-04-26 17:56:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

悠子 wrote:
茉儿这个真的漂亮。出绿就出吧~


听悠子的,我已经没耐心在该了,因为黔lu技穷了Smile
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PostPosted: 2008-06-13 16:49:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

很美的诗句,赞!拜读!

问好朋友!
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